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How do you leave your marriage with minimal collateral damage?

I pretty much know my marriage is over. It has been broken for a long time. We talk, we say we will work on things, but within 6 months we are right back where we started. I am tired of the cycle, I am tired of always giving, giving, giving. We have kids, which is why I think it has lasted this long. It is easier to stay than to leave for their sake. But I have noticed things lately. He is disrespectful to me and my kids are mimicking his behavior. I am correcting it, but it is hard when they see it daily from their dad. I have talked to mutual friends that have told me over and over again "they don't know how I put up with it", they see that I give and give and that hubby can be very selfish. We just decided to work on things yet AGAIN a month ago....now I think that may have been a mistake. I want to end things on a good note to make life easier for the kids. I know divorce is hard, but living like this is as well

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:18 PM on Mar. 29, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I was in the same situation as mommymeg03- the more my mom said that she was staying in the marriage for 'our sake'the worse I felt. my dad would throw things, hit, you name it. Then my sister was in a abuse relationship. I've convinced that it came from being told all that time that it was all normal, and wasn't 'that bad'. That one day I would understand that my idea of a good marriage was unrealistic and only with age would I truly understand how good my parent's marriage was.
    I didn't listen to a word, and look at my parent's marriage as all I would NEVER want.
    my mom says now that she'd glad I DIDN'T listen to her line of c*ap. her words, not mine!
    I have to say that my mom's justification of it all only reduced my respect for her at the time.
    If you truly want out, then don't wait 14 years plus like my mom did!
    think about what you want, but you don't have to prove your choice to anyone- if you want out, cont-
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 5:05 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • If something is so far broken that there isn't anymore tools in the box to fix it then it's broken beyond repair.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Well it's never easy but sometimes you have to make the hard choice and stand by it. I stayed in my marriage for waaaay too long. I was cheated on, pushed a few times, talked to like I was a child, we fought constantly, he complained about everything including our son. He would say "I don't love you anymore" about once a year, go off and do god knows what then come home saying he was sorry. He slept with my best friend, he barely gave our son the time of day....we tried counseling but when he was diagnosed as a sex and porn addict he screamed "Everyone is ganging up on me" and stormed out.

    I was with this man for 11 long years. And when I finaly said enough was enough, left, and filed for divorce a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I'm a better mom because I'm a happier person. The life and husband I have now is the complete opposite. I know it's hard, but it was the best decision I ever made.
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 3:23 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • As someone who was the kid in the "lets stay together for the kids" situation....it was horrible. If the house is a war zone and miserable it is not a good environment for the kids.
    And you def don't want them mimiking disrespectful behavior to you, or learning that this is the way they should treat their so's when they have one...
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 3:23 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • ahhh... it takes two people to make a divorse smooth. you just give in when something is a big deal to him... like "you want the big tv" - give him the big tv... etc... most people who compromise and both know the marriage is over have better divorses. maybe talk to him about how it is really over this time and then he wont be shocked and hurt when he gets the papers. also see if you can work things out w/o lawyers because you will both save a ton of money. best of luck to you!
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 3:50 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • cont- then that's all the reason you need in my book.
    I wish you well, I hope it works for everyone.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 5:06 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • tell him ur moving out,it will be easier for u if u moved out,let him know u are going to be looking for a plae becouse u are not happy anymore.and see where it goes from there
    angelairelan

    Answer by angelairelan at 7:21 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • OP- please PM me, I'd like to talk to you, no bashing I promise :)
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 8:13 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

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