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Does it look better because of what I am currently in?

The grass is always greener seems to come to mind. Right now I feel that my marriage is doomed and it is only a matter of time before it is over. I have found a really, really good friend to talk to and yes, he is male. That is not my reason for wanting to end my marriage, this has been a battle for several years in all honesty. But given all we have talked about I really really feel that we could have a future once I get my life situated. But realistically it will still be a while before we can even venture in that territory because he has a prior committment (not marriage, work related) that will leave him unavailable for a year. But that does not deter me and it does not deter him. He just wants to be sure if we do decide to go that route that I will be there for him. He has had a really bad relationship that left him badly hurt and shattered his trust, so this would be a work in progress for both of us.


Asked by Anonymous at 3:22 PM on Mar. 29, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I guess the only way to answer that is to divorce your dh, get out of the bad relationship then take it slow and see if it's really a great thing or not. If nothing else he's a friend who can help you transition to your new life.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:24 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • i think you need to focus on the immediate future of divorse before you start thinking about other men. yeah he is a good example that there are more good people out there. he might just look good in comparison to dh. you wont know until you are there.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 3:30 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • It's always a possibility that you are attracted to this guy because of who you have to compare him to. If your marriage is failing then work on that. Either end it or fix it but don't do anything because of a potential future you may or may not have with this guy who isn't even available right now. Don't put your life on hold for someone else. You won't be doing him, your kids or yourself any favors. This is about your happiness, not his. If your marriage has been on a downward slope for several years I can only guess that you've spent that much time sitting in an unworkable marriage trying to make someone else happy. It's time for you to make YOU happy. Don't transfer that need from one man to another. If you want to free yourself from your marriage, do it for you and your kids. Not for another guy who may or may not be the man of your dreams. If he's asking you to wait until HE'S ready then he's probably not really the one.

    Answer by sillyt at 3:56 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • no matter what I would keep up with the friendship. But at the sake of sounding paranoid since I don't know how you met this other man, I would do a back ground check. I'd make sure he wasn't married and all that.
    No matter what, I would keep my friendship and decide about your marriage. But I would look at possibly ending your marriage from the angle as to what would happen if you were alone-
    not from the the angle of how great it would be if you ran off into the sunset with the new guy. Since who knows what could happen with him.
    My cousin dated a woman who was married, she eventually divorced &the cousin told me that he didn't want to keep seeing her if she was single- some guys like their GFs married!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:37 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • OP-The irony is that this man has been very forthcoming and honest with me about a lot of things. He has told me stuff he did not have to tell me right up front. He is divorced, his wife basically really hindered his ability to trust but he is learning to trust again. He knows exactly what is going on with my life and my marriage. I have even asked if he was one of those guys that would prefer to have the "married girlfriend" because it is less complicated, and that simply does not seem the case. He is actually my voice of reason and is the one that says "he will not be the reason for my divorce" and if I leave it is because I am not in love with my husband, not because I want to be with him, which is really admirable in my eyes. I think we are both fighting feelings knowing what our circumstances are and that is really complicated.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • OP- how would you feel about sending me a PM- I'd like to talk to you. No bashing I promise. :)

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 8:12 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Well I think the first thing you need to do is take a step back and look at why your marriage is having problems, I am also going through some problems in my marriage and have a guy friend i talk to who wants me to leave my husband and go be with him, although it sounds tempting and of course my friend says all the right things at all the right times, which in turn makes my husband look like a bigger ass currently, however i had to tell my friend that he needed to stop and IF my marriage doesnt work out then maybe we can talk, but if i want my marriage to work i need to focus my attention on my marriage not the promises another man is making. Now I don't know your whole sitution and you may just be DONE and afraid of the thought of leaving, i think if you have done everything you can to work through your problems and nothing is working then you need to go, not to be with the other guy but ya know

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 1:17 AM on Mar. 30, 2010