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if you or your husband had a reading problem, would you try to hide it from the kids?

scary warning-my dad was thrown from a horse as a kid and it's assumed that is why he can't read.He and my mom did all they could to keep it a secret- which of course didn't work.I figured it out in junior high-but when I was a little kid I thought Dad was just mean when he would make up words for my bedtime stories. If I complained about it, he would tell me that if I didn't like the way he did it, he wouldn't read to me anymore.
Or I thought he was mean when he refused to help me with my spelling words and the like. The scariest thing was when he tired to put my ear drops in my eyes- I told him they weren't eye drops, he insisted that they were- I resisted, screamed, you name it. I finally had to kick him because he had be restrained and tried to force them in.
Even after that my mom still denied there was a problem.
Hopefully most of you SOs are smarter than that, but would you try to hide it or explain the situation?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Mar. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I would work my butt off to impove my reading and spelling there is no serects between our child and us.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I don't think things like that should be hidden. My x can't comprehend things he reads. One of our children has the same problem and now one of her children has it. If we hid it then we'd be saying that we're ashamed of the condition and it's nothing to be ashamed of. My dd does well with numbers but not reading so it's not like she's not functional. Some people do well in being shown how to do something instead of reading about it. It's ok to talk about it so people can get the help they need to learn. People learn in 9 different ways. They have to find the right way for them. Reading is a problem for a lot of people but they can still learn and do well in life.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:28 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • OP- my dad has learned to adjust in many ways and is good at many things- It just irritates me that there we so many lies and this was just one of them.
    No one can deny that the eye drop thing is scary.
    often I wonder if they were just both in denial- seems like if you know you can't read the label and your kid is insisting that you are about to put medicine in the eyes for the ears that you you would listen-
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I wouldn't hide it...because of the things that could happen. I would hope that the other person had the guts to say they couldn't and try to get better at the skill they lacked. My DH understands math and science so well it's scary, but ask him to read and he has a lot of problems. My kids sit down with him and they study together...I know he gets embarrassed sometimes at the things he can't do but I tell him that he has to show the kids why they have to try harder...so they don't have to deal with what he (we) have to deal with because no one pushed us. It's a good example of working hard now so you don't have to struggle later.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I can only imagine the shame that he must've felt that went into that kind of denial. Unfortunately, that's one of the problems with our society in deeming that men MUST be strong and not have emotions. It makes them unable to get past anything that could be shameful. It's sad to me.

    My husband has always had a hard time reading, and I don't plan on keeping that from my daughter. I want her to know that daddy is not perfect, but he's still the best daddy she could ever hope for, despite any problems he has.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:35 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • no... thank goodness we can both read.... there are a lot of adults who cannot read and it is a real problem. i have ASD and depression. my mom is bipolar(and an alcholic) those are things that my child wont know until he is old enough to understand. when he asks about the meds now (he is four) i just tell him that they make me "better." and leave it alone. but how is a 4 yr old going to understand my phsychological issues.... i am sure when we tell him it will be an "ahh-haa" moment. but until then he can just think mommy is a little weird. i have no shame about my issues because i know that is just the way god wired my brain ... but i just dont want to saddle him with worries or think i am sick .... i just dont think he is even close to being old enough to really understand my problems.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 3:41 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Your father was probably ashamed that he couldn't read and both him and your mother hid it because of that fact.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:57 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

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