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Whats wrong with my husband??????? (military related)

My husband came back from deployment about 4 weeks ago..he was deployed for 8 months and in a supply job.... since hes come back hes been kind of angry and hostile..I dont understand what im doing wrong but everything seems to bother him and he seems to be yelling alot..he was never like this before he left..it just seems like every little thing is bothering him....is this normal?? I feel like all we are doing is fighting about stupid things

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:10 PM on Mar. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • i guess its normal same thing happen to me when my husband deployed for 8 months he came back a changed man, he did a 180 on me and our daughter. I say try to see if he'll seek anger managment or counseling. My husbadn is a different man then the man i married him I blam the deployment a little on who he is now. We're getting divorced now because of who he changed into and things that he's done since he's been home. He tries to say the deployment makes him this way but its not excuse on tryhing to seek help. Talk to him now seek help now before it gets worse.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 6:14 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Dude, it's called having just been in a war zone for 8 months! It doesn't matter what job he had- mine was part of intelligence and never saw combat either, but that doesn't mean being away, hearing mortars, or even just seeing other brought in injured can't bother It causes depression (which doesn't just mean being sad), which is what destroys many relationships in the military. Get him to seek counseling. Get marriage counseling so YOU can understand why he is feeling how he is and how the two of you can cope with it. Unless you both get help, you're doomed.

    Men are human too. They have emotions and feelings and unfortunately, they think they're not allowed to have them and it turns inward. They can't deal with it on their own, so they will take it out on the people in their lives unless they get help. I'm GLAD my husband was man enough to get himself help.
    kittyhasclaws

    Answer by kittyhasclaws at 6:17 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • The war, of course.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:17 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • By the way, mine was in Iraq for a full year with a 2 week R&R. He spent ten months of that time there with an untreated traumatic brain injury. PTSD is not something to be taken lightly. Men who have gone untreated have killed their wives and girlfriend's and children. Hell, it happened twice within six months while my husband was gone.
    kittyhasclaws

    Answer by kittyhasclaws at 6:20 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Yes its war but its no excuse for him to treat his family like dirt. Have him seek help, yes war makes people angry but if he wants help he should get it and if he refuses to get help dont waste your time. My uncle went to war 3 times and yes he came back changed but t took a coupe months for him to adjust back to the real world but he never continued to treat his family that way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:21 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • kittyhasclaws thats very comforting......
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:22 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • This is very very common and is one of the major reasons for divorces and suicides in the military. He needs to get help.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:24 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • my sister was in iraq and she didn't come home all angry and psycho.. you should have them checked for Post traumatic stress disorder..
    TaiM

    Answer by TaiM at 6:25 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • It may not be an excuse, but its not something he can help. HE WAS AT WAR! That changes people. You probally have no idea what he went through even if he wasnt in a combat zone. You need to help him,get help for himself.
    Sophie4910

    Answer by Sophie4910 at 6:25 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Do you think part of the problem is that you also changed while he was away? You probably became more independent, got used to making decisions without him, did what you wanted to when you wanted do. Is it possible that he is in part angry because he sees that he is not as needed as he thought he was? I know that war changes people, but I also know that those who stay at home are doing some changing on their own. Maybe you could try asking his advice on things that you might have at one time but stopped while he was away. Or maybe you could ask him to do some things that you used to ask him to do but discovered you could really do them just as well for yourself while he was away. If his anger seems to be at all personal, then maybe you should consider that it is. Men need to be needed and they want to be respected by their wives, so maybe you could just pile a little of that on him and see what happens. Sure won't hurt
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:27 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

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