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How do i deal w/ my son's dad (my ex) when I start dating someone else? And how do I balance the new guy with the kid?

My son's dad has wanted to be in control of just about everything since the day my son was born. I left him a little over a year ago and have not had any dating prospects until now. I anticipate getting flack from him if and when he finds out I'm dating some one. I'm not sure how much to have a new guy around my son and when (he' s 15 months) or how and when to bring it up w/ my ex.

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notreally69

Asked by notreally69 at 1:47 AM on Mar. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • your ex doesn't need to know anything in your life that doesn't involve your child. that's the only thing he has any right to know anything about is the son you share. your private business is none of his business. remember that.
    flaggot13

    Answer by flaggot13 at 2:08 AM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • I concur. It's none of his business. I have a personal rule that I have to date the guy for 6 months or so prior to him meeting my children. Mine are 6 and 4 though, and will likely tell Dad and have a good chance of getting attached. As long as you are taking care of your child, your ex doesn't need to know what goes on in your personal life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:49 AM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • He doesn't need to know. Especially if your child hasn't met the man yet, which I recommend he not. I, like anon, had a rule that we had to be together at least 6 months. I broke that rule for my SO, who also happens to be the first and only guy to ever meet the kids, period. But that's another story. I would not introduce your son to the new guy for a while. He can't tell Dad, but he can still get attached. It makes dating a bit more complicated, but better that than deal with your son having a broken heart. Your ex has no say in this, though. He doesn't need to know. My SO & I live together and my ex still doesn't know. Part of that is b/c he chooses not to see the kids and all, but still...my relationship is not his business. If he happens to find out from someone else, then you just tell him that it's not his business and to stay out of it.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:19 AM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • I wouldn't tell my ex anything. It is not any of his business who you date.
    That being said, I personally, never introduced my child to anyone I dated, not unless I thought our relationship was getting more serious than just dating. Lol, actually the only person he has ever seen me with other than his dad, is his step dad.
    That being said, when you are ready to let someone new become a part of your child's life, I feel like at that time, you should tell your ex that you are dating someone. Leave it at that.
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 9:26 AM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • lol, I wouldn't say anything until you send out the wedding invitations....kidding, but not.


    I too have recently started dating, my ex is very controlling. He's taken me to court four times in three years over our parenting plan, we've spent over 15 hrs in mediation. I'm sure if he found out I was dating he would find a reason to take me to court again.

    For that reason, I'm very careful. I only see him when my son is at his dad's. I don't have him around my son unless there are other people there, like a group going to a hockey or football game. I don't have him to my house, nosy neighbors. My son thinks he's one of my work friends and we leave it at that.

    It is frustrating, but I have to think of my son first.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 AM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • Who you date, isn't any of your ex's business as long as your child isn't being treated wrong by the new mate. I would suggest that you wait beyond six months to be sure that this is the man you want in your life. Your child is still yet young and we all know that the first six months of any relationship is always the best time of our lives in a relationship. After that six month period is over, you begin knowing who this person really is and learning how to deal with this person to feel comfortable enough to have him around your child...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:25 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

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