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Serious Advice Needed

My husband and I have drifted apart, but he still thinks we should make things work. He's done nothing wrong - I just don't love him anymore. I want to stay as close of friends as possible, and get together as a family whenever we have days off. I haven't left yet because of my own personal financial situation, which I'm trying to resolve right now. I was hoping my parents would be behind me on this, but they want me to stay with my husband for financial reasons, which I don't want to do. I need to know that I can do this.. how many of you have done this successfully? Please shell out any advice, it'd be much appreciated.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:28 PM on Mar. 30, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • look my mom told me a couple days ago, if you stay with someone you dont love and you dont see it as worth staying, then why waste more of your time, soon it will be a couple months then years then your life is gone and your still with someone you dont want to be with, my advise is, since he is not abusive and you guys arent fighting then stay a while get a job save up some money then find somewhere close to live and go from there, and who knows maybe some time apart will help you find that man that you once fell in love with and if it doesnt then oh well, as far as the kids, look if the parents arent happy then the kids arent happy, my parents are divorced and are best friends and my siblings and i are very happy, you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else! Good luck and hopefully i will be able to take my own advice one day lol
    xxSummaxx13

    Answer by xxSummaxx13 at 6:58 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • Why are you so determined to leave him, if he's done nothing wrong? You say you still want to get together "as a family" obviously you still care for the man and respect him. Is it your sex life that has gotten stale, do you want to be with other men, or is the relationship just no longer stimulating? This may not be the advice you were seeking, but I think you should take a few months to go through couples counseling and explore the marriage to see if you can rekindle the spark. It's hard to keep a healthy relationship alive for long periods of time, you never know you may just find that love again. If not, well you've not really lost anything but a few months and you can honestly say you did your best to keep your family together. Good luck.
    Slinkee

    Answer by Slinkee at 1:35 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • If he is willing to work on things with you, I would at least want to try to find that spark that mustve been lost. Try doing some new things together, maybe try marriage counseling. Both of you sit down and write out lists of what you have always wanted to try doing..no matter how crazy or farfetched they may sound,even if they are just fantasies.Compare what you have, do the things that are possible to do and do them together.
    I wish you the best.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 1:46 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • You should stay with him. You can work it out. You have a family, it's not just your life you are affecting. You can't just leave at the drop of a hat. Put your family first.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 1:47 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • I think you should take a couple months and find your bearings maybe just separate yourself right now from this and sit down and decide where you want to go. Make a list and find something just for you sometimes we get lost in the day to day. Take some time and find yourself. Make a list for yourself of what you gain from being single and staying. after if you realize this is truly over for you start setting goals for where you see yourself in a year and work from there. As much advice as we can give you only you can know. GL Feel free to IM if you need to talk.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:47 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • I think your being selfish in this situation, and should feel lucky this man who has done nothing wrong even wants to try and work things out with you! How could you walk away from something as serious as a marriage and family for no reason? You loved this man at one point in time! I think he and your children deserve for you to try everything possible to save the marriage before walking away! And as for staying just for financial reasons, that is just plain wrong! If your determinded to walk away you deserve to suffer and stuggle on your own! This man has provided for you, and taken care of you no questions asked! The grass is always greener on the other side! Look at everyone involved in the situation before making any decisions! Things in life are not going to always be perfect and happy, but it is who you have to count on that matters! Sounds like a good man to me!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • Marriage vows are important to follow. Marriage itself is a lot of work and there is no easy route. However, when it comes down to one person or both not being happy, then you have to make a choice. If you want to leave, if you're ready to leave, then you will find a way to do so. Not everyone will support you and you may think "Can I really do this?" a few times. If you really believe though that your marriage just isn't going to be what it used to be, if you're genuinely not happy, then you can leave. Let him know that you still care about him, you still want him to be around as a friend, but as far as marriage goes it's not working. Hopefully he'll understand and let you go without making your life miserable. Just be honest with him.

    If you really want this, you can do it. Just make sure you have the right resources to do it. But you can do it.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 1:59 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • Love is a verb, not an emotion. If you are not behaving in a loving way, you will not feel any love. Just as you have demonstrated for yourself.

    I want you to stay with your husband for personal growth and maturity reasons. You are still thinking of love as 'infatuation' when you haven't even got anywhere near Real Love. But you're not 12 anymore.

    If you had any idea what Real Love felt like, you wouldn't even be able to write your question the way you did --there is no 'drifting apart' in Real Love. There is acceptance, connection, moving toward (on purpose, not accidentally), supporting, understanding, giving and 'loving' --as in 'doing, saying and thinking loving things' --none of which come with any conditions or expectations. When Real Love gives, it keeps giving and giving and giving because it get so much more rewarding, delightful, fulfilling and joyful with every single give.

    You're keeping score. That's not love.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:01 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • could you pm me? no bashing I promise! I don't do that.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 2:02 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • Although some of the advice may seem harsh, I would have to agree. It's tough when you feel you've drifted apart from your spouse. Personally, I think you owe it to all parties, including yourself, to try to see if you can salvage your marriage. I have been in your position, and it's not easy, but I have to agree that a man that has done nothing wrong and is willing to work to save the marriage is definitely worth fighting for. Loving feelings can wax and wane in a marriage, and sometimes it takes work to keep that alive. That does not mean it's not there. Maybe you could spend more alone time with your spouse and try to rekindle your feelings. Remember why you married him in the first place. Make note of all the positive traits he possesses and focus less on the negative. Daily life can put a marriage in a rut, but it will not find it's way out unless you guide it. Good luck to you on whatever decision you make.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 2:23 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

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