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Significant Other - how do i make it better?

ok my problem is that i get in trouble with the SO over little things like leaving the lights on cause he pays the bills or like if i forget to remember any of his appts or dates. he does work. i take care of our DD. i also go to school full time to be a Medical Assistant. I dont know how to get him to understand that i need help with her and i dont have to do everything for him. And to cut me some slack. I may not make the bacon but i do do everything else for him and take care of our lil one. i have to beg him sometimes to change her pooopy diapers or even take a bath. My house is becoming a disaster because i get so exhasted by the end of the day. it still gets done eeryday but im so worn out what can i do to make this better?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Mar. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • You get "in trouble" with him? Who is he, your dad? He needs a reality check and get over himself.
    Im a sahm too and some days everything just does not get done,and thats all there is too it. When my SO gets home from work, he doesn't say anything about it,he knows if I had the time to do everything, I would. And IF he were to comment on it, I would just roll my eyes at him.
    Youre both adults and both working to maintain a household, he does it outside the home, you do it in the house. He's not your boss, he's your partner and your his.
    Stand up to him and tell him how you feel about it. And if he doesnt like what he is hearing,too bad, he'll just have to get over it.


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • I would ask for the help I did and sometimes he would help but the point is to make yourself and your needs known. Going to school and taking care of the house and lil one are work as well.


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:39 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • anon 137- I think the 'in trouble' comment was probably just a figure of speech-
    if it wasn't, please speak up OP! we're here for ya!
    anyway, no really sure what the answer is, but if you do find one please pass it on to me. Not really bad in my house, but I have the same problems from time to time.
    Have you considered making a 'to do' list? like making one of the things you do and leaving check marks as you do them and show it to him? did help in my house a lot. Guys get stressed and well, they're guys. Though it seems that they should understand,, I think that often they just don't understand all that we do.
    so the to do list may help him understand-
    good luck!

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 1:53 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • I don't think your SO 'needs' to do anything differently at all... obviously, it's working for him. It's not working for you. If you want a change, why is it someone else's job to make it happen?

    Stop doing it. When he freaks out because he's missed an appointment, nod and agree that the problem is that he missed an appointment and tell him you understand his upset because you feel bad when you miss your appointments, too.

    If you want him to hold or play with your baby, hand her to him and say 'please hold her until I come back to get her' or 'please play with her until I'm finished what I need to do.' It's amazing to me how many women are convinced they've effectively 'said' things like that without ever actually saying anything. Men don't 'get' hints, but are thrilled to get directions.

    "Please take out the garbage before dinner."
    "Please put away your stuff in the living room."
    "Clean this."
    "Fix this."

    It works.

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:56 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • He needs to get over himself, get off his ass and help you. He's not your boss and he's not your father so he need to STFU and stop ordering you around.

    Answer by momoftwins240 at 1:56 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • What I had to do with my DH is tell him "I quit." I didn't do the dishes, I didn't do the laundry, I didn't pick up after him, or anything. He was left to fend for himself, because it got to the point where he was one of the kids. He wouldn't take care of himself (Meals, coffee, etc) unless I did it for him. Then he'd turn around and complain about being tired from work, the house is dirty, etc. I just eventually had, had enough and I told him he can do it all on his own. I took care of myself and the kids. Eventually he had, had enough and he started to help out. Don't get me wrong, he did regress a couple of times, but I just threw in the towel again until he stepped up. It took a lot of fights and a lot of dirty dishes, but he eventually got the hint.

    He still believes his job outside of the home is his only responsibility, but he helps out none the less.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 1:56 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • Did you try actually telling him that you need help? I mean literally saying with words and not actions that you need help with some of these things? If you've actually tried communicating effectively I would suggest writing him a letter telling him how you feel and that if he cannot realize that you are his wife and need a helpmate and not another child then you don't know what can be done to help your relationship.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • I have one of those husbands :) I have to do everything, take care of the kids, keep up with everything, cook, clean - everything. What can you do to help the situation? First realize that you cannot get everything done. Seriously. he will be mad, yes thats true. But if he is mature in the least bit he will come to accept it. If he is not, he might divorce you over a dirty house- which means you would be better off, and so would the kids. The kids can live in clutter and be healthy. They cant be healthy in a highly stressed home where they afraid to walk around, touch anything, or do anything because daddy may get upset because the house gets dirty. You can delegate a list of things to do everyday - and post that list where you see it everyday. And if your husband makes snide comments like "you need a LIST to remind youself to do that??" then ignore him. Sticks and stones, right?

    Answer by cz4kids at 2:23 PM on Mar. 31, 2010

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