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How do I stop caring?! When do I say something or keep my mouth shut!?

I am a new mom to an adopted son who is 2 and I think skipping the whole baby stage as made me an even bigger target for criticism from family, friends and even strangers. How do I not let it get to me?!!? I constantly get comments on how shy my son is, how he shouldn't be, how I should do this, that whatever. I know all parents get it but I am just not dealing with it well and I really need advice. I hope that with time I will become more secure with my parenting especially since we haven't had our son that long. However on top of that I am pregnant and I am now getting criticism for wanting to breast feed! How do I get through this in the mean time?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:43 PM on Mar. 30, 2010 in Just for Fun

Answers (11)
  • First off, your family should not criticize you for having a shy son. OF COURSE he's going to be shy. He is 2 and in this NEW LIFE. You need to tell your family to MIND THEIR BUSINESS. Get nasty if you have to, for they don't seem to mind being nasty towards you.

    KairisMama

    Answer by KairisMama at 10:46 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • Find a support group.
    Mothering.com is good for breastfeeding and AP related things, but there are groups here as well.

    You can:

    ==Stop sharing. And if they ask why, tell them.
    ==Reduce the amount of time you spend with critical people.
    ==Make up stuff "his ped says..."
    ==Be an advocate "Did you know that the longer I breastfeed the more protection I receive from female cancers like ovarian, uterine, and breast cancer..." "Actually, I read/doctor told me that forcing children not to be shy before they are developmentally can cause problems with..."

    They "may" think they are being helpful; tell them they aren't. "Parenting is very subjective; it is not helpful for me when you put down my parenting because you disagree with it."
    happytexasCM

    Answer by happytexasCM at 10:55 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • Ooh, another one... Line your book shelves with books by doctors, then drag them out if someone makes a comment at your home ;o)
    happytexasCM

    Answer by happytexasCM at 11:06 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • maybe they aren't really criticizing you. Maybe they are just offering suggestions that they don't realize you don't want.

    my SIL used to do this- one day she'd literally ask me "what should I do?" I'd tell her what I thought, then it was all fine. then about 2 days later I'd get a e-mail claiming I was criticizing her parenting. I was getting bashed for giving advice I really didn't want to have to give in the first place.
    It was like I was supposed to magically know when she wanted the advice and when she didn't.

    are you sitting there vocalizing how worried you are about everything? If yes, that's probably why they are giving advice.
    if you don't want any advice from anyone, then just tell them flat out "I don't want your help, so please don't offer anymore suggestions"
    you may be surprised that many of the relatives may be relieved to hear that you feel you have the situation under control.

    cont-
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • anon 1118- if you feel that you are being criticized, have you considering asking them flat out
    "why are you criticizing my parenting skills? " I'm interesting in hearing what they would have to say to that question-
    particularly the know it alls- every family has them!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • Really, cut back contact with the people making comments. Focus on attachment parenting with him, making him secure and happy and the shy stuff will go away but it may not go away until he's like 5. Just depends on the kid. For you, the above are good ideas. You're doing the best you can and that's all you need to say. Your son is new, so no one can predict what to expect or how he's supposed to be. That's insane. You could easily have a shy child yourself. Just keep your distance and focu on your nuclear family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • I just tell people thanks for their input & I know they had their time and did it their way now it's my time.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:34 AM on Mar. 31, 2010

  • Eventually you have to tell all the bossy people to eff off. I am serious. When my daughter was born I was 17. I turned 18 a month later. My sisters in law were forever telling me how to feed her, how much to feed her, when to feed her, how long she should sleep, how she should sleep, what she should wear, and on and on. Not to mention their constant comments of she doesn't eat enough, she's too skinny, well I got tired of it and I finally told them both off. If I want your advice I will ask for it, but if I don't then keep it to yourself please. If you give me unsolicited advice again, I won't be so nice. This is the only warning you will get. After that, they pretty much cut the crap. LOL!
    chavela_carlita

    Answer by chavela_carlita at 12:48 AM on Mar. 31, 2010

  • anyone who has raised kids loves to offer their own advice. i do it all the time, but there is a point where it does become rude and offensive. take it in one ear and out the other. they may just tryin to be nice and helpful, but they may also be tryin to be sorta rude so take the good advice and leave the rest. every parent deals with this.

    As for the breastfeeding..... i can't believe they would critisize you! that is the best thing you could do for your baby and if they think otherwise then there advice obviously isn't what you need
    batsonsgirl

    Answer by batsonsgirl at 1:12 AM on Mar. 31, 2010

  • Remember that the opinions of others aren't worth a DAMN. The ONLY opinion you need worry about is that of the woman in your very own mirror. The rest can go hang. Ignore it.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:36 AM on Mar. 31, 2010

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