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My mom freaked out on me. How should I proceed?

I traveled 4 hrs to visit my mom with her two grandkids. When I stayed with her she made a list of all the things I did wrong when I was there. One of her main issues with me is that I let my son cry when he is goes to bed or for naps. She said I am going to cause him to have security issues. She said that every time he cries I go pick him up and nurse him for comfort and that I should be co-sleeping. When I explained that he doesn't like co-sleeping she said he would get used to it and the real reason I'm not doing it is because I'm selfish. She's really brash and opinionated, however, she's never turned on me before like she has this time. She is having money problems and I'm doing well financially. She went off on me about all these insignificant things. I am at a loss for how to deal with her. She is pretending everything is normal but is acting cold to me. She will never admit she was wrong. Should I confront?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:01 PM on Mar. 31, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • If this is the first time she has been so rude.... maybe it is financial worries that made her lash out... or depending on her age she could be starting menopause. In which case, simply let it slide and let some time pass before you try again.

    If she is often this rude..... then tell her you wont be visiting again because of the lack of respect. THen hold true to it. But dont argue the point... she wont listen.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:04 PM on Mar. 31, 2010

  • Sounds like your mother is one of the know it all grandmothers from on here,lol.
    Maybe she was just haven't a woman moment that we all get into sometimes and just snapped on you. If you don't agree with her ideas or ways, tell her thanks for her opinion and keep on doing what you are doing. You do live 4 hours away,right?
    If you can talk to her about it without you guys getting into an argument over it, I say go ahead and open it up. Tell her you appreciate her concern and her ideas and thoughts but you think she raised you to be a good mother and she should know that you would do always do what you thought was best for your children just as she always must have done with you.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 5:07 PM on Mar. 31, 2010

  • First of all, you will not cause security issues with your child for letting him CIO. Kids get over that super quick. Not only that, but it doesn't damage them in any manner. Your child will be fine.

    Yes, confront her. She's crossed a line.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:12 PM on Mar. 31, 2010

  • Your mom has control issues. You need to make it clear that you are the mom and have your own way of doing things and that although you love her and need her you'd rather she not give you advice unless you ask for it. That you are going to make your own decisions and would like her to respect that. That she did a good job raising you and that you'd like her to please trust that. And this may or may not work.......I am a mom of a grownup daughter with her own child. It isn't easy when I disagree with what she is doing, but I do know that unless she is doing something dangerous, it is none of my business. A grandma's role is a lot of fun if she will allow herself to be grandma and not try to be mom. Best wishe! :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Mar. 31, 2010

  • Sounds alot like my mom. Anything happens to one of mine and I'm a horrible mom. I just ignore it. Of course my mother wasn't great in raisin me. She partied all the time, especially once I hit high school. I had no high school life, because I was busy raising my brothers. I say they turned out ok, so I'm sure mine are fine. Heck the older one of the two is 20, had a baby at 18 yes young but he finished school kept a steady job bought a house, and now two years later planning a wedding with the mom. The other one unfortunately not so well, since I moved out and she "took over". She still parties, leaves him alone, and I know for a fact she never wanted to have kids. Only reason i'm here is cuz she wanted my dad.

    I say don't let her get to you. I'm sure you are doing fine. and there isnt anything wrong with the CIO method. I use, my kids don't seem to have any security issues...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:25 PM on Mar. 31, 2010

  • INSIGNIFICANT THINGS? You need to read your parenting guide again. Mom is absolutely correct. Check out Executive Function Disorder bc lady that is what you are creating in your child. You are not giving him the sense of security but of abandonment and making him feel like he's not important enough to comfort. It's moms who think like you who are creating these kids who have no empathy, lie, steal, distrust everyone (read about the disorder, I'm not just making this up).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:54 PM on Mar. 31, 2010

  • What on earth are you ladies thinking, control issues? Do young mothers not read about child psychology and what the OP's behavior is doing to the child? OMG I wish they made females take parenting classes before they were allowed to get pregnant. There is such ignorance out there that it is scary but not shocking as to why there are so many young people in trouble. They have parents who don't know squat about parenting.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:56 PM on Mar. 31, 2010

  • really? she made a LIST? good grief!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:57 PM on Mar. 31, 2010

  • If you are well off and she is struggling then offer financial help. If you realize her lashing out is a symptom of money stress and you can remedy that, I would do so.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 6:09 PM on Mar. 31, 2010

  • Your mother is wrong. You're doing what is best and she can't accept that you're the parent not her. It's not for her to accept though since it's not her child. If you did NOT ask her what she thinks, then she shouldn't feel the need to make a list about why you're wrong. I would let her know that it's hurtful and rude to do it. There is a way someone can say something without being rude and your mother choose to go overboard with it. She should be enjoying the time she has with you but instead she's making it a negative experience for you and the child. Confront her and then leave it alone. If she says anything else quickly let her know it's not right and that she's crossing the line. If she continues then leave and distance yourself a little because you can't really control another person, but you can choose not to be around as much until they can't learn to respect you a little more.

    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 6:15 PM on Mar. 31, 2010

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