Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Am I the only one who thinks this way about alimony? Also didn't know where to put this

Ok, my friends all say that I'm crazy because my husband soon the be ex, is willing to give me alimony, but here's the thing, I don't get it, I mean your no longer together why should he (or vice versa whichever the case) have to still pay for the partner (ex). I mean I don't know what it is I just never understood why should someone have to pay for someone they are no longer with?
Granit yes the money most definately would come in handy but were not together I don't think he should be made to pay for me, I am getting child support though.

What are you thoughts on this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:20 AM on Apr. 1, 2010 in Money & Work

Answers (11)
  • I think he should help with child support. If you were a sahm and are trying to remain a sahm then alimony will help. Other than that it is up to you.

    My mom has been married to my step father longer than she was married to my father, and hasnt had a kid in the house for well over 10 yrs.... it disgusts me that she still is collecting on his navy retirement.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:23 AM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • I think alimony is particularly important if the woman was a SAHM and hasn't worked in several years - it would give her some supplemental income while she's establishing herself in the working world. Same thing if she had a job where she made substantially less than he did.

    Answer by missanc at 10:26 AM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • OP here, I work and he pays child support, but it seems like whenever I try to talk to someone about this then they look at me like I'm crazy. I'm just trying to understand why? Is it mandatory to pay. BTW we agreed on divorce we have been together for 20 yrs. and we get along better as friends.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • You have to think about it long term, especially if you spend any time out of work. Your retirement savings is going to be less, your social security benefits are going to be less, plus you gave your life (even if you still worked) to raise not only your kids but HIS too. Then there is the job market if you've been out for a long time it's harder to get back in. There are a whole host of reasons why alimony is necessary and a good thing. If you can get, get it because you never know what's going to happen or how your past is going to effect your future.

    Answer by mrsjonzy at 10:50 AM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • I believe that if the partner is a homemaker, the husband chose to leave her, and she has dedicated a lot of years in this vocation, he should pay alimony.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • I believe if it was agreed on in the marriage PRIOR to y'all being split up that he should pay a year or two of alimony till you get well on your feet enough to support yourself or get education to find a good job etc. If you don't want to accept the help, then thats up to you ;) Other than that though, I believe what your brought into the marriage is what you take out, things boughten together can be split up in a civil manner. I don't think it's right for women to ask for more than they are entitled to, or women who just sat at home spending his money whohave nothing without him, unless as I said unless he agreed to support the wife for basically "forever". But any smart women in MY opinion would prepare herself just in case. Who seriously in the end wants to be 30 or 40s go through a divorce & have NOTHING without the guy its 1 thing for your world to revovle around your children, Mine DOES which is WHY I have a degree

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • .9:32.contin. ..which is WHY I have a degree I worked on with my first two babies. My world revolves around them, therefore I did what I could to make sure they're taken care of if (God forbid) we ever did break up,. I am a SAHM right now because he wants me to do that until they enter school, but I don't understand the people who don't prepare themselves or don't seem to care enough or aren't smart enough to think about these things. it's great to be in love yes, but ANYONE can get hurt

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • To the OP - I do agree with you. I was just thinking about this the other day. If the situation is that the mom chooses to be a sahm and her husband walks out on her then I think he should be responsible for taking care of her ONLY until she can get on her feet (given a specific time period). However, it seems like you are pretty well established and if you don't feel comfortable accepting it I don't think you should have to. I'm pretty sure, although not positive, that alimony has to be requested on your part for it to be put into a court order. I would just let your lawyer or the judge know that although you appreciate the offer, you are not interested in receiving spousal support.

    Answer by sillyt at 1:02 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • You invested your life to provide a home for him. Look at it as severance pay. Would you turn it down if a company offered you severance pay when they fired you? I think not. Put it in the bank for the kids or a rainy day. That's what it is for. Maybe you want to return to school, use it for tuition. Don't turn it down. Some other woman will just come along and squander it so take it and do something nice for your future or your children.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:41 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • alimoney is not manditory, but very helpful in some situations. I put my career on hold to stay home with my kids. At the same time my husband got his graduate degree and I was the one at the library copying things to help him out. His earning power is now much higher than mine. If we were to divorce I would need to go back to school to jump start my career and even then I wouldn't be at the level he is. I helped him get there. I invested in his career. Your case may be different.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Money & Work
I need some advice!!

Next question overall (Entertainment)
need advise