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I am ready to open another chapter in my life. I have pretty much determined that after all these years my relationship has ended with my husband. I love him still based on the fact that he was a big part of my life for so long and we have children together, but I don't love him or want to be with him as his wife anymore. I want to make the transition as easy as possible for my children, but I am ready to make this change and I really feel it will be the best choice for both me and my children, when you consider all things. How do I go about initiating this process without being the villian. He has mentioned divorce in the past, so I am not the only one that has been thinking about this stuff.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:16 AM on Apr. 1, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I agree with Bearsjen to an extent. There are studies that show that children of happily married couples do best in school, etc, and after that, are children of happily divorced parents. I am going through a divorce, and although it's not been perfect, my children are doing well, because the 2 of us have worked hard to keep the transitions to a minimum and have shown our children we both love them very much, it's not their fault, and they still have 2 parents and a family, we just reside in separate homes. That's not to say it won't be difficult for your children, but you can ease that for them.

    If you want to initiate this without being the villain, I would suggest you speak with your spouse regarding your decision and determine if the 2 of you can sit down and work out the details of your divorce amicably. It does not have to get ugly. If necessary, you can start out at a counselor's office or mediator...

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 2:15 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • sorry there is no easy way out of this. you and your husband will both be the "bad guy" to the kids. I am both a child of divorce,a nd divorced myself. its hell on kids in even the nicest divorces. get them in therapy NOW. You talking to them and being their pal isnt enough, they need a place to go to talk about you and their dad messing up their lives. I m not saying that to be an ass, just because I have been there and am still there with my 14 yr old. Just like my parents destroyed the happily ever after idea for me, I then destroyed it for my son...hopefully the lessons I teachhim about personal happiness counteract that damage.
    good luck, but be sure. because let me tell you its not a nice world out there for a divorced woman with kids. it just isnt.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 11:27 AM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • agree with bearsjen

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • How old are your kids? I think that makes a difference in how hard it will be on them. My son is 3, and he seems to be taking it pretty well so far. Perhaps because its always been mostly him and I, so he isnt missing much time with his dad. In fact, hes probably spending more time with him now.

    Answer by kimbob2284 at 2:01 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • help with the discussion. If you're both on the same page, depending on your state, you can probably file for an uncontested divorce. If he's not on the same page, you can still file, but I still suggest you give him the courtesy of letting him know what's going on. Again, a third party being available can help as well since emotions can run high.

    Good luck!

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 2:18 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • Just say "You were right. Back when you thought divorce was the answer, I wasn't sure but now I agree with you." (Make it his idea)

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:54 PM on Apr. 1, 2010