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should I let him vist her

this is really hard. my adopted daughter has a brother who does not live with us. When he was 9 or so he laid on her and "humped" her clothes on.we had him removed from our home and after counciling allowed visits now at 13.he did it again. I haven't allowed him back. but my daughter crys because she can't see him. I asked a friend who was abused by her 1/2 bro she says the sibling bond is stronger than the abuse and i should let them visit with lots of supervision like never out of my sight. I am torn either way i am hurting my daughter i feel

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:34 AM on Apr. 1, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (7)
  • NO!   I can not see any good coming of it.

    I would start talking to a counselor who is very familiar with adoption issues and incest issues. YOU alone... that way you have someone to bounce things off of.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • i think if you allow him to visit he needs to be supervised with out a doubt!!!! but also keep in mine he must have something wrong with him from a bad childhood if your daughter is old enough talk to her and see how she feels and tell her how you feel but i would not allow her to be alone with him or go any where with him!!!!! i hope it works out for you and it may hurt her now but when she is a woman and has kids she will thank you either way!!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • Do not allow more visitations! my husband and bio sister were in the same situation, with the exception that she was the oldest and he was the husband got adopted she didn't, my husband's adopted parents allowed visitations, my husband confessed to me that his sister tried getting sexual with him, I actually did not want to hear more because she was leaving under our roof for a period of time before she moved out. I have never confronted my sister in law because she has a family now and I have mine and she does not come in between. Protect your daughter, try to explain it to her that if anything was to ever happen to her you would be responsible, when she is an adult and she is more capable to defend herself she can seek out for her brother if she wishes to, but as a parent I think you have a responsability to protect your child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • Yes, the sibling bond is stronger then the abuse. She may not understand what was wrong about the situation. However, if I know anything you do not allow that person back into the home. It will happen again, as he has proven that distance and counseling does not stray him from doing it. You have to protect your child and know that she doesn't deserve to be molested by anyone. Even if he didn't do it while you're watching, you're still saying it's okay for her to associate with those people. Talk to her and explain why you won't let them see one another. She'll be okay, just let her know why you're keeping them apart.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:49 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • As well, you're letting the brother know that he doesn't have to take responsibility for his actions. That he can do as he wants, even if it hurts someone else, and get away with it.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:50 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • i disagree. i was abused by my cousin. i know its not the same as a brother, but I would have been much more comfortable growing up if i had never seen him again. i still do not like to see him. i will not invite him to anything i host.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:51 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • sorry i meant i disagree with your friend. i would keep him away. i know its hard for your daughter, but are trying to protect her. have you explained why he can't come back?

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:52 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

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