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how do i let my boyfriend disipline my 3 yr old son without me getting upset about it?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Apr. 1, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (37)
  • You dont! Thats wil just make your son hate him, trust me I grew up with two different step parents and lets just say we didnt get allong cause my mom was too lazy to disaplin us so she had them do it for her I guess so she wasnt the bad guy or better yet she just didnt want to deal with us. Hes not the father so I would not even go there with them both. However he does need to have respect for your boyfriend just like he would any other adult but thats when you come in and set those standards for your child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • I would only let my bf discipline my child verbally, and only if he wasn't angry. Anything beyond that is my job IMO.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • It's hard. My boyfriend has been around since my daughter was 4 months old...she's now 2 1/2. It's still hard to see him discipline her...but I know he's gunna be around always, so he needs to act like her daddy. You just gotta kinda let it go...if he's being too mean and you feel that he's doing it intentionally because it's not HIS son...then you have a problem. How long has he been in your sons life? Because my boyfriend didn't start playing the daddy role until she was about a year old. He'd already been around for a while. You can't just be with a man a few months, and have him bein like daddy because if the relationship doesn't last, you confuse the long have you been with this man, and how long has he been in the lil guy's life? Just curious, I can give you better advice if I know that...

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • yeah, how long have you been together?

    Answer by michellelee3708 at 12:09 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • i just rencently moved to montana cause hes in the airforce and ive dated him before but my son wasnt around then. i guess im just having a hard time with it because its been just me and my son since he was born. and occasonally my son will tell him that he hates him. even when he plays around with my son hes rough with him is that a bad sign? im just confused aobut the whole thing. by the way the anwsers that i have gotten have been really good...thank you....

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • If you've been together for a while and plan to make it permanent, then you do need find a way to involve your boyfriend in disciplining your son. My husband is my oldest child's step-father, so I do know how this can be tricky. We took a parenting class together that allowed us to approach discipline in the same way; I think it hepled a lot that we both knew what the rules were and what the consequences for breaking the rules would be in our home. This allowed us to both use exactly the same techniques, and I could see his discipline was an extension of my own. If your boyfriend is "disciplining" in a different way than you, then you may see his reactions to your child's misbehaviors as too harsh or inappropriate, but if you are taking the same approach you will think "that is just what I would have done, or just how I would have handled that."

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • Also, if your BF yells or seems angry with your child, your mother's instinct will always be to protect your child. You need to choose a disciplining technique that allows your BF to handle situations in a way that does not come accross as anger. Discipline is supposed to be an act of LOVE and not an act of ANGER. If BF has a temper and can't discipline in a loving way that is in your son's best interest, then you do not need to let him discipline.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:20 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • If you have a problem with the way he is with your son, then there is a problem. Mother's instincts exsit for a reason. I'm not trying to bash but I don't feel a bf has any place in the daddy position but that is probably because I'm a dinosaur at the age of 34 about stuff like that. You never know how long a bf will be in the picture even if you feel he will be around forever. He might not be. I'm sorry and don't mean to cast a shadow on your relationship but I'd just advise caution about your son being around him. Men typically roughhouse with children more than a mother would but there are limits. You need to sit down with him and determine what is appropriate for him and your son with everything from play to discipline.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • Two words: UNITED FRONT

    The child needs to see that if he his naughty, that he will be disciplined. No matter what!

    (Especially if BF is to become DH someday.)

    Answer by MamaK88 at 12:26 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • he is a step parent and shouldtn do that. it isnt his place.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 12:28 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

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