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How to handle my crazy SIL??

SIL and I have not spoken in almost 10 yrs. Dh hasn't seen or spoken to his family in almost 9 yrs. SIL contacts us via email about once a year, but we never respond because it is usually some nonsense seemingly sent to stir things up (that's just her way!). Dh side of the family was not at our wedding, has yet to meet our 2 children, and until today I was not sure if they knew we were expecting again...
Anyway, SIL just sent me an email, asking if she could stop by sometime to see the kids and drop of some gifts she has for them and the new baby. I'm kind of confused as this is so out of the blue...and to be honest, everything in me is telling me to say no! Dh doesn't think it's a good idea, especially since she has asked to come by when he's not home so 'it's not awkward.' How would it not be awkward anyway, I haven't seen/talked to her in 10 yrs, aside from harrassing emails?!!!! What would you do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Apr. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Oh my, I dunno. The better person in me says let her come, but the scared part says no. I think overall at least give it a try but make your hubby be there.

    Answer by chelleybeans at 1:58 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • Say no!! I have crazy family too and the best thing I can say is don't fall for her trick, if you want to meet with her, do it with your husband out somewhere like a park or something.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • I would tell her that she is welcome to stop by at a time that's convenient for both you and your husband, and your husband will be there. Specifically trying to avoid him throws up the biggest red flag to me, so that way one of two things would probably happen: she really does want to see the kids and drop off gifts, and she'll deal with the awkwardness and maybe try to make amends; or she wanted to somehow try to play you against your husband, and this will put a kink in her plans.

    Answer by DragonRiderMD at 2:00 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • Respond and tell her you and DH will meet with her in a neutral, public place. That way you can leave if need be. If she doesn't want to be around her brother just tell her "we are a package deal". I would not bring the kiddos along for the first visit with her, just bring pictures. Who knows maybe she has had a change of heart an wants to make amends.


    Answer by emptynstr at 2:01 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • If you do decide to meet with her, I agree with pp about making sure dh is there and to meet somewhere besides your home. I don't know if she knows where you live or not but if she's as crazy as you make her sound I wouldn't want her knowing where I lived.

    Answer by AmberBrat at 2:03 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • I would talk to your hubby and see what he thinks as he knows his sister best. If you do agree to meet with her, make sure it is at a time when your hubby can be with, and make the meeting in a public place. I would be very hesitant to let her into my home, especially after all the problems with her and after this many years of no contact. I also think it would be a good idea NOT to allow her near the children, I would leave them home with a sitter. Good luck!!

    Answer by MizLee at 2:16 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • my SIL cant confront either except for txting me. im sure she would act normal infront of you guys but the the harrasing email will prolly never stop since she cant confront in person. if you think she's more scared of you then you are of her then go for it and let her visit.

    if you have already ignored her and tryed to "clue" her in that you are done with her, then i would keep it that way! i would even ignore that email asking if she could stop over or reply with very little words and say you guys cant but i would just keep up ignoring her since that is what you have been doing. its not like she's trying to be on your good side...i realized that with my SIL too...she trys so hard to make me like her but she screws it up somehow so i learned i'll never like her.

    Answer by americansugar80 at 2:18 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • I agree with MizLee 100%.

    Answer by Ewadun at 2:19 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • there's always family fuctions and all that she can attend to see you guys

    Answer by americansugar80 at 2:20 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • The optimist in me says maybe she has changed and wants to mend the relationship. The pessimist in me says she probably wants something, she thinks she'll butter you up about it first before your DH has to find out, and she is using gifts for your children to get her foot in the door. You know her best so which scenario do you think is more likely? In the perfect world maybe tell her you would meet her for coffee but with the family history you need a little more to go on before you let her come meet the kids, etc. Or just tell her she is welcome to send the gifts but until your husband is comforable with her coming over you will have to decline.

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:42 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

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