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How can you just stop loving someone?

My boyfriend of almost 3 years tells me today, after he broke up with me a couple days ago, he stopped loving me. It was not any one thing I did, just a build up of things. He listed a few things that he thinks shows I don't appreciate him. I really love him and appreciate all he's done. I just don't see how someone can stop loving you over little things like not returning a text while you're working. This is the first we've talked, we're still living in the same house. I know I can't make him love me, I just don't understand how you stop over trivial things. Maybe he never loved me to begin with. lust maybe?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:31 PM on Apr. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • (HUGS) this often happens..im sorry you are having this trouble and im sure its harder since you live together..you know at times i have felt that way about my husband and was totally ready to call it quits..but then things would change and i would know that deep down i truely loved him with all my heart and would do what it took to get over little trivial things he did or done...maybe talk to him and see if there is more to this story..im sure there has to be more than just not returning a text..maybe hes stressed out and is taking things out on your relationship etc..good luck and i hope things work out for you...as far as getting over someone after three years it will def take time..it took time to build that relationship and its gonna take time to forget it..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:36 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • I was with a boyfriend for 5 years.The last 2 years of the relationship, my feelings for him had begun to fade. I didn't like the way he treated me.He wasn't horrible or anything, just certain things he did that I finally got fed up with. I tried to talk to him about it but he never acted like it was a big deal, took me for granted, thinking I would always be there.I tried hard for two long years to love him,but it just didn't work. He wondered the same thing when I broke up with him, how I could just fall out of love with him like that.It wasn't just like that. It took time.Nothing was ever fixed when it was wrong and I just got tired of dealing with it and with him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • I don't think that you can stop loving someone at all (especially over small things). I think people who can love deeply and who know the true meaning are blessed. You have to have been shown true love in the past (by family, friends, or another bf.. or whatever) to be able to understand it. If he's going to "stop loving you" over stupid stuff, then, the way i look at it is, he never really loved you in the first place..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • Sometimes we think it's love and it's not. Love would have endured. Cut him lose and find a man who really knows "love"
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • OP here~he said the past couple of months he's been feeling like anytime he tells me he loves me he's lying. I do know he has a lot of stress and when he gets really stressed he takes it out on me, this time is the first he's said he didn't love me, so I'm shocked. About 3 months ago he came at me with something that was bothering him about me, I totally saw his point and changed it, but that's the only time I've heard a single word about him being unhappy in our relationship. I'll be okay and I'm ready to be alone, because I can see his mind is made. He has no interest in trying to work anything out. I just think its the oddest thing to stop loving someone, I mean I've done it after catching ex cheating or another lying and doing drugs. It wasn't a quick thing though, especially with the one that cheated because we were very close, but nothing like my boyfriend and I have been.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • He is full of game. This type of guy tells every woman he loves her to get what he wants then after he gets it , he starts making up excuses to move on. You deserve better darling, just move on and don't even trip on him. The right on will come alone. He did for me. I went through my share of dead heads too but do not give up on love. The experience helps you see who is real and who is not . Keep your head up.
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 10:00 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • There were a lot of factors that made me look at my STBX differently. It got to the point where I felt like I couldn't be myself around him and I was walking on egg shells to not create tension and arguments and such. I felt like he was completely different than in the first 2 years we were together and a lot of it involved our child and that's where the line was drawn. He's gotten better but I care about him as a person, the father of my child and really appreciate him in many ways...but I don't have romantic love or sexual feelings for him at all. It was hard to realize that I can't live that way anymore and do something about it. There were other factors I won't go into but you can fall out of love with someone...but there are reasons as to why that happens.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 9:40 AM on Apr. 2, 2010

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