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how to deal... part 2

in regards to my question earlier.... my 21 yr old daughter is living with me and her "stepdad" i am not working and neither is she, my husband refuses to help with baby needs... i wanted to speak up on my defense... work would be the perfect solution your not telling me anything i dont know... but i guess i didnt include info. the reason i dont work is; my husband will not allow me to, we live 15 mile either way to town he has told me if i work against his wishes he will not allow me to use his vehicle, therfore i have no trans. as for my daughter she had complications in the first part of her pregnaancy, she was bleeding , she is very thin, has started having severe nose bleeds, and severe head aches therfore is also unable to work... i just feel so helpless and overwhelmed, i just wanted some advice i wasnt looking to be attacked by anyone here....so to those 4 that answered my question earlier , thanks for the beatdowm

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:23 PM on Apr. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • well, either way I'm afraid that whining isn't going to help you. but to answer some things you posted here-
    "my husband will not allow me to, we live 15 mile either way to town he has told me if i work against his wishes he will not allow me to use his vehicle," you have a controlling possibly abusive husband and that sort of environment doesn't sound like the kind of place for a pregnant women with problems.
    If you've got friends that can help or if your daughter does, I suggest you do what you can to get help from them or a shelter.
    I saw the posting- not everyone beat you down- they offered constructive criticism. 'support' does not always mean that you will hear what you want to hear. Sometimes your friends are the ones that tell you the truth. Maybe hard to hear truth, but the truth.
    now isn't the time to feel bad about how people on a web site spoke to you- you need to get some help for you and your daughter.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • is she gettin help from welafare?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • Don't get snippy w/ us when you only gave 1/2 of the info in your 1st. Q, please ;-)

    I would get her on some kind of govt. help. If she can't work she must be elligbel for something, and the rest your hubby will have to foot, or he'll have to change his origional opinion of you not working.
    Nynne

    Answer by Nynne at 10:34 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • You cannot keep enabling her. Your excuses for staying with a controlling abuser is one thing but don't make her follow in your footsteps. Funny how you are looking for her solutions while she's letting you live her life for her. She screwed up. Let her figure it out. I am not bashing. I'm trying to show how to help her. Cut the cord and let her grow. She has to do it on her own.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • You know if you are being abused or not.. You know if you are happy in your current situation. I do not. In reading what you wrote...you said....he won't let me work. THere are husbands that do not want their wives to work and the decision is mutual..if not working is a mutual decision then fine..if it is not then it is a control issue. Also he is not willing to help your daughter and he considers the income his....he is in control of it. You also used the word allow again in reference to him not allowing you to use HIS vehicle. these statements and his lack o f support of your needs send out red flags of an abusive relationship. If you are happy the way things are and you have no little children for him to teach his ways to them, then stay if YOU CHOOSE. Your daughter is old enough to be on her own, that is true. You already know he will be of no help to her. i will continue in another box....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • You can help your daughter by getting her to your DHS office and signed up for medical care and financial assistance. In many states just being pregnant will get you money and food stamps.. Asking them about any programs they have that assist with lowered income rent payments. Many housing properties are low income but are very nice and many times they only have a few in the complex that they offer lower income credits. Again, check with the DHS office for help with this.
    As for you, you are the only one that knows if you are not happy or if you are being mentally or physically abused..but if you are don't waste your life unhappy it is far too short. that is the best advice I can give. Hope it helps...good luck with your decisions.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:44 PM on Apr. 1, 2010

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