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My step daughter is finishing her 8th grade year and has a couple of big things happening 1 is a trip to disney land the other is a brunch where she could invite 2 people. My husband and I paid $375 for her disneyland trip which was the full amount (her biological mother has no intrest in working and lives off welfare) So I wanted to go to the Brunch since we paid all the money is it wroung to be dissapointed that she plans to take her mom and older sister?

THe thing that really bugs me about the whole thing is this kind of thing happens all the time the Mom thinks because she dosen't want to work we should pay for everything. Which isn't a problem ussually but my stepdaughter only gave us a week notice and it wasn't easy to scrape up the whole amount at the last minute. Just to find out were not going to be able to go and everyone acts like how dare we even mention a problem getting ALL the money together or going to the brunch instead of two women capable of working with no desier to when I work a full time job on top of takeing care of my step son and biological daugter who is 6mos old

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Ariela21

Asked by Ariela21 at 3:01 PM on Apr. 2, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • It sucks and you have every right to be dissapointed. You also have the right to be mad at Bio Momma. That said though as an adult you know that life is not fair and that ultimately its more about whats right for the kids. Hang in there because odds are if you and your DH keep doing what is right than your stepdaughter will grow into the right kind of woman. When that happens she will see who was really there for her.
    FuzNet

    Answer by FuzNet at 3:06 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • Big hugs to you. Being a stepmom is not easy. I can see you are hurt, and you have every right to your feelings. And yes, they ARE valid. That being said, it's her mom. Nothing you do, say, or feel can change that. Money or no money....no matter how much you love her, or even how much she loves you. As she gets older hopefully she can appreciate all you have done for her, and she probably does already....BUT, when it comes to her mom, it's not about what's fair, just, right, who paid for what....I think in this instance (and I'm sure there will be others in the future), the right thing to do would be to put your feelings about this aside, for the sake of your step-daughter. I think it's asking too much of her to act on this from your point of view.
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 3:15 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • am I the only one who thinks that the money has nothing to do with it?
    if the issue is the brunch, isn't this the stepdaughters thing?
    shouldn't she decide who goes?
    OK, so you paid they money for the trip, that's very generous of you.
    But I think that if the SD wants to take people other than you to the brunch then you should respect it.
    I don't see how you putting up money would automatically mean that you go to the brunch.
    I understand your disappointment, but I don't think this is about you- it's your stepdaughter's decision- let her pick.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • You will never replace her mother, wheather you have more mony or not! She has the right to choose who she wants at the brunch!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:30 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • FuzNe...
    It sucks and you have every right to be dissapointed. You also have the right to be mad at Bio Momma. That said though as an adult you know that life is not fair and that ultimately its more about whats right for the kids. Hang in there because odds are if you and your DH keep doing what is right than your stepdaughter will grow into the right kind of woman. When that happens she will see who was really there for her



    DITTO all of this! ^
    beachmamaof2

    Answer by beachmamaof2 at 3:49 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • I agree with beachmamaof2 -
    you have a right to feel how you feel, but in the big picture this is just a bump in the road. Just be there for your stepdaughter and be proud of her. I'm sure she will grow into a fine woman.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 4:35 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • As children of divorce reach the teen years it's very typical for them to reach out to the parent they feel less close to because they often feel their time is running out to establish a relationship with that parent. As much as it hurts or insults the parent they live with it is actually a compliment because it means the child feels more secure in that relationship they feel safe to reach out to the other parent.

    I think if you had an expectation that you and your husband would be invited you guys should've said something. If you left the choice up to your step daughter you should really respect her choice and try not to be insulted you are the adult. If you are unhappy that you are working while your child is in daycare and your husband's ex doesn't perhaps you should be talking to your husband about what your expectations are in a family. Seems to me you should have sorted this stuff out before you had children with him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • Are you trying to buy her love and affection?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:11 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • The child shouldn't know anything about the money her mom has or doesn't have, how she pays for anything etc... Same goes for you and her father. The child should only be concerned with the simple things in her life, not adult issues... If you chose to pay for the trip, then fine, but you didn't have to.. If the child couldn't go, well too bad she would have had to accept it. She had the option to chose who to take to the brunch, and you need to respect that... Sorry if it's a bitter pill to swallow, it's obvious the child isn't concerned with who has more money...
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 6:35 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • Here we go with the "I'm a good stepmom and the bio mom is a lazy beotch on welfare" crap again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:48 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

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