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I am so ticked off at my mother! My sister calls balling her eyes out wanting to know if she can stay with us.....

She is 16 and got pregnant. She is not keeping the baby, she has already set up an adoption thru our church. Mom told her that she either keeps the baby or gets the F*** out of her house because she will not allow someone else to raise her grandson. My sister has so much planned for her life and this was something that just happened. I know she was on BC because I took her to the clinic for the shots. I just don't understand my mother! My sister has a chance to cheer for college and she wants to be a Dr. She knows having a baby now will ruin everything. She has told me that the best choice she can make is giving this baby to a family that can afford to take care of him. Yes we are letting my sister stay with us. She is going to stay til she graduates. I just can't believe my mother is being so unreasonable.
I don't even know what to say to her.
Would you say something? Would you act that way if your kid picked adoption?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:25 PM on Apr. 2, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • Your sister IS making the right choice. I will NEVER for the life of me understand why people are so obsessed with blood relations. It's UNIMPORTANT unless you need a transplant.

    Yes, I'm an adoptee. BEST thing that could have EVER happened.

    Continue to support your sister. I'd even go so far as to tell grandma she's losing ALL the grandchildren because of her attitude.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:19 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • I guess i cannot say I was adopted and it did not get better. hope you get some good answers.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:28 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • Keeping the baby will NOT ruin everything. Obviously you and your mother could help her out with the baby. She could get a job on the side of school, get help from the state for daycare....graduate from highschool...and continue on to college. People do it all the time. Babies shouldn't be considered and "inconvenience" They should be special...and just because you get pregnant at a young age, does not mean your life is over. People do it all the time. You can go to school, work, and be a single mom. It's hard, but worth it. So don't tell her or let her believe that keeping this baby will ruin everything...because when she gives birth, and has to watch them take that baby...it is NOT going to be an easy thing for her to handle...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:30 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • Her baby, her choice. Even though she was a little to young to be making those kinds of decisions. You could always try to talk to your mom once you aren't so upset, ask that she listen to your sisters side of the story, and try to understand. I mean, your sister could always do an open adoption. She can also be part of the process to pick the parents of the baby. It's really not up to your mom, i mean, your sister realizes she just isn't up for taking care of a baby. I think realizing that is really mature. Try to understand your moms side to. If your mom still doesn't want to understand your sisters side, then just let it go. Let her life in her own opinons..it's frustrating, but she is your mom..you have to love her despite her flaws right?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • She does NOT want to go that route. SHe doesn't want to depend on the damn government for help. She wants to do what she had planned. It will ruin her plans that she has for her life. It will change everything. She came to the adoption thought before even telling ANYONE. I support her choice no matter what she does. Mom does not.
    This is what she wants. Geeze anon, she knows the crap she would have to do. She wants a better life and wants to be able to support her children witha real job and not just part time and the local fast food place.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • If it was my 16 year old daughter, I would support her decision to raise the child and help her or find the child a loving home. I think she's making the unselfish choice, especially if she's found a family that she knows. I'd take my sister in as well. I think I'd wait to call down and have a respectful conversation with my mother. Your sister needs support right now. What's done is done and there's a baby coming. Its not your mom's choice if she keeps the baby or not.
    mrsfitz05

    Answer by mrsfitz05 at 4:34 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • LOL anon 33 Ya I do love her i just couldn't believe that she would kick my sister out because she picked adoption. It just blows my mind. She had her mind set on it the day she found out she was pregnant.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • support your sister, that is the only thing you can do.

    I would say something to mom and it would not be nice. Your sister she is doing the right thing, how can your mom tell her to get the F-out??

    I would be sad if my grandchild was not with us, but I would have to think what would be the best for the child and that must come first.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 4:35 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • Thanks ladies, My sister is coming over tonight after school. We already have a room ready for her. She is kinda excited about it she gets to be around her niece and nephew more now LOL

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:36 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • I personally think this might be best for your sister but you need to remember that this is also your mom's grandchild. It's also a cousin, neice, nephew, etc. Your sister isn't the only one involved in this. I realize that it's with a family in the church so you may get to see the child occasionally but how will you feel if they should decide to move away due to a change of jobs? Is this going to be an open adoption? There are so many things to consider. Is you mom willing to adopt the child or is she not a good influence? You don't say how far along she is but you all need to take a step back and look at it from all points of view. In the end it is your sisters choice but realize that mom may not talk to her or possibly you if she does.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 4:37 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

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