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CO sleeping a mistake!!!

HOw do I get him out of my bed now? I want to be alone in bed with hubby. But I allowed my son to sleep with us, now he is two and he hogs the bed I want him out. SOme advise please I need him out...

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:41 PM on Apr. 2, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (46)
  • play hard ball! I learned with my first that the longer you keep them with you the HARDER it is to get them in their own beds but it can be done! My son was 2 1/2 when we bought him a new fun toddler bed with new bedding. We told him he would now sleep in his own bed and he was like oh ok! BUT when it came down to it he was not happy. Basically I just put him back everytime he got up and CALMLY said you sleep in your bed now. I won't lye it took a while before he really adjusted. The first few weeks were the worse and it felt like torture for us all. BUT once he adpated he slept so much better! His younger sisters were transitioned at 12mos! I learned.....good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • Co sleeping is just like any other habit you break with a baby or toddler. He will never decide on his own that its okay to sleep by himself so its time to make that decision for him. Its much easier when they are crib age though because they can't climb out on their own. The advice Anon 9:45 gave is perfect! You have to stick with it no matter how much you have to put him back in bed and no matter how much he cries and screams. It won't be easy but it WILL be worth it.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 10:51 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • Are your wants more important than his needs?

    Human children are born with brains that are hardwired with the need to sleep with their mother until they are around 3. This is what humans have done for all time and still do in most countries.

    If you decide your wants are more important then it is humane to get your child to sleep alone in ways that cause the least emotional trauma.

    Answer by Gailll at 10:55 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • QUOTING MAMACHAMP:He will never decide on his own that its okay to sleep by himself

    That's untrue. He WILL eventually transition, but it may take until he's 7 lol.

    I ended cosleeping a couple of months ago with my 22 month old. The ONLY way it worked was putting her in her crib and letting her cry. She didn't like it at all, and it BROKE MY HEART. I NEVER thought I would use CIO, but I did and now she sleeps all night in her own bed, and she's even all sweet and cute at bedtime lol.

    I'm sorry I don't have a gentler solution :(

    Answer by Ati_13 at 10:55 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • Co-sleeping isn't a habit and children do decide to sleep alone. Teenagers aren't still sleeping in their mother's beds. Co-sleeping is a survival behavior.

    Answer by Gailll at 10:56 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • My daughter decided on her own that she wanted her own bed when she was 2. She still sleeps with me a couple times a week but I know that my cosleeping with her made her the secure toddler that she is today. Cosleeping is probably not the cause of your child acting this way. He just wants to be close to you. Just let him know in a gentle manner that it's time to get a big kid bed and try it out first during the day for nap time. You can't rush this, it's a delicate process if you want your child to be secure.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • the pp is dead on-its hard at first but its all you can do. It wont happen overnite and you will be tired and tempted to give in but NO. i know a couple with 5 kids, and literally one was in the bed with them at 6, and the lil one was 3...can you imagine? you can do this mama! sit with hubby and make a plan so you support each other. I promise your lo will not die, tho he may scream like it...just stand firm.Look up the modified CIO method, its where you put him back each time, and check on him in and hey no one is perfect, we live and learn :) good luck and come here for support, thats what the good ladies of cafemom are here for, to support you. if some get snarky, blow them off. you are not alone. :)

    Answer by Bearsjen at 10:59 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • Gailll is right, it is biologically ingrained in children to NEED to sleep with their parents. It's just fact. I ended co-sleeping because I'm pregnant earlier than expected and my daughter was still waking and nursing 5 times a night (minimum). I knew I couldn't keep that up with two kids, so I took steps to change it for my own sanity. I still feel bad that she had to grow up before she was ready to :(

    Answer by Ati_13 at 10:59 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • I think you're right to put your marital bed first.

    I loved co-sleeping with my girl - but when she started kicking so much that hubby couldn't stand it, it was time to move her to the crib.

    We did a semi-slow transition, making her start the night in her crib (much to her chagrin) and making it increasingly later what time we would allow her to come back into our bed...until it was eventually just morning snuggles right when she woke up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • I'm not a fan of cosleeping however I have known lots of parents who do this and then one day just decide that's it I need my child out of my bed now! For ALL of them the transision took some time, but as the first anon poster said be consistent and calm, I noticed the parents who did this had kids who only took around 3 - 4 weeks to transition to their own bed versus the 3 or 4 MONTHS for the kids whose parents just gave in on some nights and/or yelled at their children about sleeping in their own beds.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on Apr. 2, 2010

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