The Open Adoption you are a triad member of that was agreed upon, is it now in comparison to how it was originally? More open? Less open? Exactly the same? How do you believe that has affected the Adoptee?
After placement, we agreed to 5 visits a year with pictures, letters, e-mails, phone calls, etc. in between. Ours is definitely on it's way to becoming more open and in talking to DH today, I learned that not only is he not fully comfortable with it becoming more open, but he questions if it is best for our 4yo DD. We discussed it for quite some time and he did have some valid points that I didn't really consider and definitely plan to do some research on.
But in the meantime, what are your experiences with this?
Answer by meriana at 1:44 AM on Apr. 3, 2010
Answer by meriana at 1:45 AM on Apr. 3, 2010
Answer by Anonymous at 7:13 AM on Apr. 3, 2010
Answer by onethentwins at 1:43 PM on Apr. 3, 2010
Our level of openness really never took off and it disappointed me. We started out pretty good and it fizzled pretty fast. I sent letters, cards, pictures (all detailed and tons of pics per letter), gift cards for Wal-Mart (because she truly was in need of just basic things), and gifts for the few holidays that came up. I also sent baby gifts for the child she had after my son and many of my son's nice but gently worn clothes and toys. She always called us because her number would change quite often. But at first she did call. And we welcomed it. I was nervous but we wanted to give it a go. She hit another bad patch and the last I heard from her she was a month a way from giving birth again for the second time after my son was born. Since then we don't know where she is. I have mixed feelings. But mostly we did not want a bmom to have no contact. We told her we would send pictures, cards, letters, and
Answer by frogdawg at 9:54 PM on Apr. 3, 2010
we will visit when he gets older. Older was left up in the air. She was satisfied. I met her extended family. I said I want them to be our family to and to have a lot of contact. I gave everyone my phone number and address. Not anything. People talk about the adoptive parents not following through but no one ever discussed with us what to do when the birthmother does not call anymore. I made some mistakes. But I did some thing right. I bought into the open picture but their were many things not discussed by the lawyers and organization that should have been. Like what happens if the bmom is not well and pushes for things? How do you walk the line between compassion, fairness, and also setting boundaries. Everyone says set boundaries but no one ever says how. Ours went from very open (with exception of visits) to no contact by birthmom.
Answer by frogdawg at 10:02 PM on Apr. 3, 2010
Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:29 PM on Apr. 4, 2010
Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:32 PM on Apr. 4, 2010
Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 AM on Apr. 5, 2010
Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 AM on Apr. 5, 2010
Next question overall
(Just for Fun)
can i add a custom widget, or do i have to pick from what is already here?