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my friend is 8 months preg, and her dh is being a tool and dosent understand the pergnancy thing...

he dosent understand why shes so tired, shes not working she was laid off after she got preg and still isent working he calls her lazy, he will make her bring in wood or stack wood ( even at 5 months preg, even at 8 months preg, ) shovel a driveway at 6 months she will and i tell her a lil helping out is ok but to do the whole thing in her condition isent best, he dosent understand why she has trouble getting up again she is 8 months now, even my dh has talked to him to help him understand nothing works. i need help getting him to see the big picture, hes being a jerk calling her lazy she can cook clean fold laundry and she is still "lazy" she dosent stack wood shes lazy so what can i do or say to least make him see she is preg, this is there first and i feel deep down he knows but just likes being a jerk.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on Apr. 3, 2010 in Pregnancy

Answers (10)
  • op there a website or something he could be shown? anything...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • He is being verbally abusive and she needs to leave ASAP. When the baby comes and there is more stress he could hurt her or the baby.

    Answer by Gailll at 11:50 AM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • If she is cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, etc.... why can't HE do those other things?! Sounds like he is the lazy one! I don't really have any advice for you... it sounds like he is just a jerk... and you can't change people... they have to change on their own. I feel sorry for your friend : (

    Answer by JenMarie2007 at 11:53 AM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • He should read that book "What to Expect". There is a section in the back for fathers.

    Answer by MLM0503 at 11:54 AM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • What would anyone stick around and "want to make this work". Obviously he is an ass, I doubt that will change.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • He is not the kind of person that will let facts get in the way of his opinions. You could show him all kinds of websites and books and it won't do any good. It is next to impossible to change abusive people. First they want to change and then it involves intensive counseling - individual and group.

    Men that are abusive verbually easily esculate to being physically abusive. If they drink alcohol or use drugs then they have even more problems. It is very easy to kill a crying baby because you are irritated.

    If she doesn't have family to help there may be an abused women's shelt that can help her. She should put anything she wants to keep in storage or with family, take the best car, take as much money as she can, and report joint credit cards stolen so he can't use them and she be held responsible.

    Answer by Gailll at 11:58 AM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • That is sad and I feel for her....she should be resting and sure you have to take care of the basics-cooking,laundry and some cleaning...but give me a break as he doesn't know she shouldn't be doing alot of physical hard work....shoveling a driveway?? What does he expect her to mow the grass a week after giving birth.....he needs some hard talking to! A slap of sense into him is more like it

    Answer by MayMommy07 at 12:01 PM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • He is an ass and no amount of telling him that she is pregnant will change that. Plain and simple, he doesn't care. And he sounds abusive. "he makes her".... thats just wrong. She is not a child and he has no right to try and control her. She needs to leave till he gets help and changes... but chances are, he will only become more controlling once the baby gets there.

    If my husband ever attempted to "make" me do something.... well, he's never tried nor would he. Nor would he ever try to call me lazy... lol... he would end up with me on vacation and him stuck with 4 kids and all the responsibility that I bear, so he wouldn't even think to say that.

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 12:49 PM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • She knew he was a jerk when she married him and decided to have a child with him. Women don't die of hard work. She'll be fine.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 PM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • Anon :58, she might not die, but she could make herself very sick, and also hurt that baby by doing this.

    OP, what that guy needs is a good, swift kick in the nuts. That's all he needs.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Apr. 3, 2010

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