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Do you think it's cheating if your husband goes to see another woman wanting to have sex with her but doesn't have sex. He didn't say why they didn't just they didn't. This woman is a sister of one of his friends and she has always flirted with dh. She just lost her husband recently but I know my dh well enough that he didn't go there to give her support. When I asked him why he felt the need to go see her at 8 am while I was home waiting for him to get back from pt he couldn't give me an answer. The thing is dh thinks I shouldn't make a big deal out of this because he didn't have sex with her. He said he just had a fantasy about having sex with her. My trust in him is gone and he can't understand why. He told me I'm making to much out of this. But when I asked him if the shoe was on the other foot how would he feel, he said he would be mad. Please let me know how you would feel if this were you


Asked by Anonymous at 5:28 PM on Apr. 3, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • He went to see her with the INTENTION of having sex with my book, it really doesn't matter if it "qualifies" as cheating or not, b/c it would still be a dealbreaker for me. He intended to have sex with another woman, that alone would make me end the relationship. The reasons behind not doing it really wouldn't matter to me. My boyfriend and I have a very simple rule: Don't try to define whether something "qualfies" as whatever; if you wouldn't want your partner to know about it, if you wouldn't want your partner to do it, then you shouldn't do it. If you wouldn't want them to know about it or do it, then it's wrong, whether it technically meets a definition or not.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:07 PM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • really you have to ask us?

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:29 PM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • I would have a problem with my dh going to visit a woman he has fantasy's about. There are other forms of cheating as well such as emotional cheating. Good Luck to you


    Answer by hisblueeyes at 5:34 PM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • the point is that he went all the way, he was going to cheat.. how would he feel if you did the same thing and stopped last min. plus i would think they had sex a lot of men say they didn't at first and admit it later. let me guess the fantasy didn't measure up in person.. did he kiss her? I would want to know the reason he didnt have sex if he went through all the trouble..

    Answer by TaiM at 5:54 PM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • Yes it is wrong. My husband would be in some serious shit for that. He intended on having sex with her. That alone is a deal breaker!

    Answer by Alexsmom04 at 7:11 PM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • There wouldn't be any wondering why... I would have thrown all of his things on the lawn, changed the locks, and filed for divorce.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 7:12 PM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • Many men leave the house every day in hopes of cheating. It's just the way they are made. If you got upset every time he left hoping to get some then you'd stay angry all the time. I'd laugh at his sorry a&&. Good for her that she didn't do it. Men just spend way too much time fantasizing and thinking some woman would be lucky if he did her. lol, silly men!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:49 PM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • I define cheating as anything that I perceive as a betrayal and even though your husband didn't have sex with this woman I would still view it as a betrayal - he wants to have sex with this woman, went as far as going to see her and for whatever reason he didn't go through with it. Do you know for a fact he did not go through with it? Could you really just take his word for it at this point? If what he says is true, and he didn't have sex with her, I wouldn't leave him but I would make a big deal about it and if it were my guy he'd be spending a long time earning back my trust.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 PM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • I would wonder why he had done it. But maybe I am the wrong person to ask I think cheating is doing. We have enough to worry about with the things they do and now we have to worry about what they might do or might be thinking just think how many times we would be in trouble for thoughts alone. I understand you feel betrayed I would let him know and then I would figure out what I want and allow myself to figure out how important this relationship is and how I am going to deal with it.


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:02 PM on Apr. 3, 2010

  • Who's to say next time he didn't stop and went through with the fantasy? He intended to and it is a break of trust. I think you're right to be mad and he's blowing if off and that's crappy of him.

    Answer by rio_burb at 11:40 PM on Apr. 3, 2010