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how do i talk to him without hurting his feelings?

let me start by saying that my SO and i have an excellent relationship, and a great sex life, but lately i've been thinking and it seems like our sex could be filmed and sold as a porno flick, which isn't always bad, but it seems like it's all about him, and the second he does anything that's just for me, he's not into it, how do i talk to him and let him know that it hurts my feelings and makes me feel bad about myself without hurting his feelings?

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on Apr. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • How could telling him the truth about how you feel hurt his feelings? Men a lot of times need to get redirected in order for you to get pleasure too, by nature they are selfish , so you coming straight out and telling him what he needs to do in a loving way should not be cause for hurt feelings.

    Answer by older at 2:24 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • sounds like it needs to be voiced or else this sex life will go down the drain

    Answer by americansugar80 at 2:34 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • That's what he wants you to do, worry about his feelings. It's STILL all about him if you are worried about his feelings. Just tell him. Men disregard what we say most of the time anyway. I'll lay odds that if he does listen and fixes things they will gradually go back to things focused on him again so I wouldn't worry about his feelings! If it does bother you, just ask him (giving him control yet again. I hate that but if you want something from him sometimes you have to do that) if he sees the imbalance and if he'd like to figure great ways to fix it. Be enthusiastic about it and make it sound like fun. They fall for that bs all the time. Men can be like dogs but training dogs is easier, imho. lol

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:39 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • I went through a period where my husband did this. I tried telling him a number of ways but he just wasn't getting it at all. So I was direct with him. It did hurt his feeling and he felt like for a while that "he couldn't please me". Eventually he started doing the things I needed him to do. Sex was good then but now it is AWESOME again. I am so glad I fixed it because otherwise I eventually would have lost interest in having sex at all with him. I know it is better for him now too because after he is done pleasing me I am more than happy to give it back tenfold. He used to roll over and fall dead asleep after sex but now we both roll over and fall dead asleep after due to complete satisfaction!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • You have to be honest with him. There is no way to say this to him, without him feeling bad. Maybe he doesn't realize it, or maybe he thinks you aren't into it either. I would just lay it all out on the table, and tell him that you love your sex life, and you love him, but something has to change.

    Answer by Punky_1981 at 2:00 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

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