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I feel like the adoptive family has let me down some. How do I deal with those feelings?

My son is 15 yrs old now. Adopted when 3 wks old. I used to get regular letters and photos but now that he is older they seem to be reluctant to send any info. I gave up the love of my life to them. I don't know what they are telling him. I get so angry just thinking about this. What should I do? One time it took a year to get any info. Any insight would be helpful.

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jld22153

Asked by jld22153 at 4:08 PM on Apr. 4, 2010 in Adoption

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (58)
  • Sounds like you'll have to wait til he's 18 and see if he wants to be in contact with you. There's really not much you CAN do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • sadly its true unless you had an open adoption with a contract saying how much info you get (dont think they even have those) there is nothing you can do. You can keep trying and ask for more info but other then that you have to wait till he's 18 and then try to find him or see if he finds you
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:12 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • I'm sorry you're hurting over this. :( Until you know their side of the story, you should give them the benefit of the doubt. All the moms I know with kids that age are busybusybusy with school, after school activites, etc. and the adoptive mom may not realize how much time has lapsed since she last updated you.
    yogapantz

    Answer by yogapantz at 5:20 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • If you do not have any contact info to contact them, then you'll just have to be patient.
    I can imagine it being hard, but they are living their lives as a family. You have to respect that they can't always send you the latest bit of news. All the best to you! I hope you get something soon!
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:25 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • What's really important is that you continue to keep writing and sending him cards so that he knows YOU haven't forgotten HIM. Make copies in case they don't give them to him so you can show him later that you hadn't stopped loving him and hadn't got over the loss of him. Also, try to stay light so that the aparents don't feel threatened, they might come around yet. it's not that they feel endebted or how they feel about you that matters, even thought they should be eternally grateful, it's how he feels you feel about him that matters. Only 3 more years and he's an adult and can have a relationship with whomever he wants.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 6:35 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • To be blunt and I mean no offense, just because you gave them your child does not mean you are entitled to pictures letters etc... unless like on poster said, you have a contract. You give up any sense of entitlement when you give up your child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:54 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • and honestly, you don't know the whole story, maybe HE wants nothing to do with you and it isn't really the parents.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:55 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • I agree with anonymous above me. He is getting older and has a full life, maybe it's not his parents. I certainly don't think that he has to write you letters and sure that he has a lot of feelings now that he is older .... I think that you should focus on your life and the people in your life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:01 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • "To be blunt and I mean no offense, just because you gave them your child does not mean you are entitled to pictures letters etc... unless like on poster said, you have a contract. You give up any sense of entitlement when you give up your child. "

    There's no such thing as a contract, at least not an enforceable one. The birth mom just has to take the word of the aparents when they agree to send her updates. So, if they agreed to send her updates then I think yes she IS entitled to them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:26 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • Sadly there is nothing you can do. You gave him up and they are his parents. They get to decide. I'm sorry you are hurting, but you need to accept it and move on with your life.
    Marwill

    Answer by Marwill at 7:55 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

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