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to keep or abortion

so as i know many of you will say your pro life and i dont want bashing please i just want some help

so i am 22 married have 2 kids one is almost 4 and my other will be 3 by the end of the year i just took a test and found out number 3 is in my belly i go in tomm to find out how far along we life in a condo thats about 1000sq ft and my kids (boy&girl) already share a room and i feel like having another will make things just crazy in this small place we went over pros and cons of both having a baby and not and im so lost i feel overwhelmed we know that family support wont be there right away and are family and people we know will sh** talk and thats not what we want any advice i would love thank you thank you !!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:55 PM on Apr. 4, 2010 in Pregnancy

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • There is always a reason not to have another one. Yes, it would be hard. However, a year after you have that baby, I bet you won't wish you had aborted. Consider that. I do hear doubts, and that would concern me. If that's a choice you make, you have to live with it.

    As far as being fair to your other two... I believe siblings are a precious gift we give them. Some people hate theirs, but it sounds like you want a big family, and want to foster their relationships. You can help your children love and respect each other. I might consider it unfair to take away a sibling, you know?

    I'm sorry you're so overwhelmed. ALL unplanned pregnancies are overwhelming, so you're not alone.
    whiteroses82

    Answer by whiteroses82 at 8:37 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • well the only question I think you need to answer is do you both want a baby? If you want him, then have him. Life is going to throw curve balls and it isn't always wrapped up in a neat bow. Don't worry what other people will say, gossip isn't a reason to abort. You can move, you can have the baby in your room for the first year ( and if you are only just pregnant, then we are talking months before birth still) If you just can't face the idea of having another baby then I guess that changes your decision.
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 7:00 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • Well, do you WANT this child? Can you provide for him/her? If you answer no to either one, I suggest looking into adoption. If you say yes to either one, then consider keeping it and making the necessary changes in your life. You may need to start saving to get a bigger place or maybe have the baby sleep in your room as long as you can. It will certainly be chaotic at times, but over time, you WILL adjust. Abortion isnt your only option, but its your choice.
    Aqua_Jen

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 7:01 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • Honestly I would keep it. DH and I lived for a short while ina 600 sq ft studio when our daughter came. Only for a couple months but still. You can always try to find a new place or figure a way to make room. Noone can tell you tho to keep or abort. Just don't you dare let ANYONE make you feel bad for whatever choice you make. That includes if you choose to abort. I am not for them but noone should make you feel bad for the choices you make. If people bash you here take it with a grain of salt and ignore them. Don't even acknowledge them. You and DH should talk to a counselor about it. Abortion clinics do give you all the facts. Pros and cons. Good luck and I hope you guys can make the right choice for you.

    Mrs.Owen86

    Answer by Mrs.Owen86 at 7:05 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • thanks for the advice we wouldnt just abort because of people talking like i said we made some pros and cons and i am just lost as much as i would love an big family i wonder if it the right time am i being fair to my other kids like i said im just so overwhelmed and i agree about the baby in our room and moving it just nice to hear other people agree on the things i do and disagree also
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:05 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • Just remember the decision you make is permanent, so really search your heart. Maybe talk to someone outside the family and the internet about it. You're not going to find your answer here. Don't let anyone think you're a bad Mother for what you're feeling. I went through the same dilemma about 7 yrs ago. I had a 13 month old when I had our 3rd, I was devastated, but I hung on, did what I felt was right in my heart, and it all worked itself out....
    Come here for advice/comfort etc.. But not the final decision. GL to you.....
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 7:08 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • I would like to add that the timing is never be ideal, you will question the age gap, the house size, the financial implications, your ability to cope -you will second guess your decision either way. We all do to an extent, life is tricky and messy and sometimes scary. How does your DH feel. Is he strongly of an opinion either way or as torn as you?
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 7:16 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • we both are in the same boat we never thought we would ever think about abortion and then aging we never thought we would be having another so soon we know we have money to support it but this just overwhelmed us we are stuck in a condo that wont sell and im only 22 he is 25 i know age isnt a big factor but we are still so young
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:27 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • I KNOW how you feel about being young and the mom of 2 little ones, and being overwhelmed. My kids are 15 months apart, and when I had them I was 20 and 21. We didn't live anywhere near family (we're military). I can't tell you how many times that my dh would come home from work and I would still be in my robe and all 3 of us would be crying - because "I can get one to stop and go to sleep, then the other starts, and wakes the first one up - I can't get them both to stop at the same time!"

    It was HARD!..... BUT - after a few yrs, they grew out of that stage, and things got a LOT easier - they're teens now, and all through their child yrs and now their teen yrs, I've been glad they were close together.

    The point I'm making is this - as hard as it is now, situations change. Kids grow, people move, etc. In 5 yrs, you could be in a different home.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:29 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • cont

    In 5 yrs, you could be in a different home. Your kids will be older (whether you have 2 or 3). They're still going to need you of course, but the demands on you will be different, and easier in a lot of ways.

    The only thing that won't change will be your choice to abort this baby or not. I do NOT mean this in a nasty way - because you're the one who has to decide, and you're the one that's going to have to live with whatever choice you make.

    I'm just saying that don't just base your decision on the here and now of it, because you're going to have to live with it forever. I think, honestly, if you're wanting a big family, then, when your kids do get older, and things do get easier, you're going to regret it. And if you're letting the what you think your family is going to say influence your choice, then there's a chance you're going to resent them, too, and they won't know why. :-(

    GL with what you decide!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:35 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

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