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Should I tell him he's adopted or no?

I have four kids and a fifth on the way. I was born in California, live in Puerto Rico but my parents were both from Colombia. My husband was born in Puerto Rico. Our second child Elias was adopted from El Salvador when he was only 8 weeks old. All of our other kids are biological. Because of my background and my husband's, Elias for the most part looks just like my husband, myself and our other children...only slighter darker skin tone. He's never seemed to notice that he doesn't have many of the same characteristics that his siblings do. Is it better for us to let him know that he was adopted even if he hasn't asked? I just don't want to make things hard on him if I do not have to...but I can't seem to decide what what hurt him more. In your opinion, should I tell him or not?

Answer Question
 
jcarvalho

Asked by jcarvalho at 10:00 PM on Apr. 4, 2010 in Adoption

Level 5 (71 Credits)
Answers (48)
  • Of course you should tell him. It's part of his identity and heritage.
    BlooBird

    Answer by BlooBird at 10:02 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • That's a hard one.
    I think I would wait and see if he ever asks or if it comes up and tell him then.
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 10:02 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • yes tell him
    hisblueeyes

    Answer by hisblueeyes at 10:03 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • I'd tell him later in life. If he is still young I wouldn't worry about it now.
    Mrs.Owen86

    Answer by Mrs.Owen86 at 10:03 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • Yes, you should tell him. He has a right to know. My friend and her brother are both adopted and have known all their lives. I don't see lying to a child, it will eventually come out anyway, so better to have his loving parents tell him than him overhear someone say something.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:03 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • I agree, you should tell him when you think the timing is right. Otherwise its keeping a very important secret from him, and if he finds out another way he may be resentful. Being honest will keep his trust and your relatiionship strong, even if its hard to recieve at first.
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 10:06 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • Just because hes young doesnt mean he might not take it well. some kids are very strong and understanding. I say tell him but its up to you when. I seen how adoptive kids need to know where they come from. its part of there identity.
    aeroslove

    Answer by aeroslove at 10:09 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • please tell him- I've known so many people that waited until they were 'old enough' and it didn't come out until they started drivers ed and they have do have their birth certificate-
    I would just tell him then it won't be a shock later
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • i dont think i would tell him. and if i did, it wouldnt be until he was like atleast 24. that can really fuck up a person. if your gonna do it, at least wait until hes mature enough to handle it.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:11 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • He should have known since before he could even remember. It should have been something he's always known. He deserves to know. It's his right.
    randi1978

    Answer by randi1978 at 10:24 PM on Apr. 4, 2010

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