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Has anyone ever felt jealous of either their DH's or SO's past?

My SO has told me on more than one occation that he could never feel for someone the way that he felt for a gf in high school. And that he will never be "in love" that way again. And even though he is with me now, I sometimes am jealous of his past relationships because I felt like he gave his all and with me, I feel that he doesn't give his all. He was already married also, but not to his hs gf, someone different. We have been together for five years and sometimes I feel like I got the butt end of him(if that makes any sense). I love him with all that I have, but it hurts that I don't always feel that in return. Any advice or suggestions??

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:03 AM on Apr. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • I'd be offended, by the way he is saying it. Maybe he doesn't realize what he's saying? I'd ask, "what are you saying" and let him clarify. Then maybe something like "are you saying you are not able to love me as much as you did her?"

    Answer by txdaniella at 4:06 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • Your feelings are completely justified, that's such a hurtful thing for him to say. Does he know how you feel? If not, maybe it would help for him to hear what you wrote here.

    I'm not insecure about my husbands past... but if he were to make it seem like no matter what I did I would never be as good as someone from his past... I would become insecure real quick.

    If he knows how this made you feel then honestly, move on, you deserve a guy who loves you with all he's got... not someone who is admittedly "settling" with you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:36 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • That doesnt really make sense to me that he said he could never be in love like he was with a girl friend back in highschool. I personally never fell in love back in highschool it was all just puppy love and I was too young to know what the real thing was untill I met my husband just coming out of highschool. But I dont know maybe hes telling the truth but I also dont know why he would say somthing like that, strange. I would definatly talk to him and figure all this out. GL

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 4:40 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • I dont get why he would say that to you. Thats something really hurtfull. Have you told him it hurts you when he says that? Maybe if you talked to him you would feel better. Maybe he doesnt really mean it the way it sounds? Good luck.

    Answer by Sophie4910 at 5:13 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • I am sorry your dumb ass man told you that. That is his way of telling you he has been hurt in the past. JMO

    Answer by louise2 at 6:01 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • No Because i have a past as well. There are several incarnations of all of us and sometimes we do things in our past that make perfect sense would this version of us do it again maybe not. But I figure I lived my life and he lived his why worry about a time when you were not in his life.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 6:29 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • I see what you're saying, but I think it might be that he's just not expressing himself very well. I've heard this saying, and I think it holds pretty true - It's "A man loves his mom the longest, his first girlfriend the sweetest, his daughter the fiercest, and his wife the best."

    I think what he's saying is that this old girlfriend, a person that's in his past, he's not still with, and, presumably, he's not trying to track down and get back with, was his first romantic, "grownup" sort of love, and, because of that, will always have a soft place in his heart.

    Look at it like this - you remember when your kid got their first tooth, right? Even though that tooth falls out and isn't the "important", permanent, grownup one... She was the first tooth, but you're the permanent, "grownup" one... kwim :-)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:01 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • We all tend to fall too hard for the first and are more cautious with the next because we know how it feels to hurt when it is over. I am sure that is what he is saying or feeling. But he is naïve to say that he can't love that way again and also a little rude to say it like that to you. Don't sweat it. Men are not the best at expressing themselves.

    Answer by bjane01 at 8:01 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • honestly, i'd leave. if he cannot love me with his all, and he still has huge feelings for a girl from HS!, he can be alone for a while until he figures out whether he wants me, or if he still wants to live in his mind, with the HS girl

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 8:57 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • I think you two need to have a deeper conversation about this....He needs to put it behind him and decide that he is 100% in the relationship with YOU! He remembers strong feelings about this high school what? He just needs to stop talking about it, and put in in his PAST! Of course his comments are hurtful to you.....he should know better than to say that! I think it is somewhat hostile for him to say this to is not necessary. You know he has a past---but the fact that he NEEDS to talk about it is wrong. It is similar to flirting with other women in front of your wife....Is he intentionally trying to keep you off-balance? In this case, you are NOT the crazy jealous wife---you are being manipulated!

    Answer by BJoan at 9:59 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

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