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What would you have done?

This morning ( well lately ) my 8 yr. Old ds has been talking back to me and with a high firm tone I already told him he better watch how he talks to me or else he continued to do this so I mention it to his dad and he said I should give him a good spanking...I have spanked him before but when I do it I can't and don't want to hurt him :(
So my dh says that is why he does not listen to you bc he knows how you are .
Well this morning I had to spank him and told him I AM YOUR MOTHER and you will respect me he sat there quietly until it was time to take him to school he even gave me a kiss goodbye as usual but I felt guilty:(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:57 AM on Apr. 5, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (16)
  • You did the right thing. Once a child sees that you don't do anything but give empty threats they will walk all over you and you will lose all control.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:02 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • i agree with pp, once you make the threat, you have to follow through. but be careful with those threats. you are clearly conflicted, so maybe try removing privileges next time. good luck!
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 9:07 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • Don't feel guilty!!! (((HUG)))

    Sometimes, as a mom we have to do things that hurt us a lot more than they hurt the kids. Your son has to know that there are boundaries, and when they reach that age, it can be really hard to communicate to them what IS ok, and what is not, mainly because it's hard to get their attention.
    All you did was issue him a reality check, helping him to understand that what he was doing was hurting you. Nothing wrong with that at all. His reaction should be enough to tell you that you did the right thing... He knew he was out of line, and he responded accordingly to your reprimand.

    Spanking is not always the right reprimand for every infraction, but I believe you chose the correct course of action this time.

    Don't feel bad about setting boundaries, without them our children never learn respect, mutual regard, or even love. We all need boundaries. Don't feel that you did anything wrong!
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 9:11 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • So what exactly do you think you taught him? Hitting him only showed him that you are bigger than him and want to show him that you are a bully that will hit to get your way beating him into submission and not allowing him to grow, bruising his spirit and stunting his emotional growth. You also taught him that hitting is acceptable. I cant believe that at the age of being able to have children people still don't take parenting classes to find out how to rear a child without striking them. What you are teaching him is confusing and hurtful especially when you get to the part where you teach him not to hit but you do it. This is just wrong. You feel guilty because you know it's wrong and it's NOT discipline. It's punishment that people use when they let a child out smart them. It's an emotional outlet for you and a scar you have left on your child's soul.Do better next time. Take a child psychology class if nothing else.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • @ anon :15 - How did we ever, as a race with deep roots in corporal punishment, make it to this day and age without your sage advice??  I can't fathom....


    eye rolling

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • Well, my impression is that hitting your child isn't really right for you since you feel so guilty about it....and it is questionable anyway....BUT you were right about showing your authority. If you give a warning or a threat you do have to follow through. It just doesn't have to be spanking, though. You can take away privileges or items... ideally the consequence should be related to the issue if at all possible.
    Ironically, in light of the above poster's response, you DO have to show your child that you are in charge. But part of that is also showing that you are in charge of yourself as well and that your own behavior is acceptable to you! Realizing parenting is hard and no parent is perfect, don't worry about this situation too much. But plan for the future with punishments or consequences you can believe in while still teaching the lesson that you have the authority.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 9:28 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • As long as you don't spank with anger in your heart there'ss nothing to feel guilty about. Children need discipline and contrary to what the anon said, spanking is sometimes necessary. Yes, children fear being spanked...it hurts. But it's something that they can choose to avoid after the first spanking. I remember when my sons were younger and I would tell them "if you ddo _____ tthen you will be grounded from ____ " and tthey'd say "that's not fair, that's stupid". I told them, if you don't like the punishment that you COULD get then make sure you don't DO ______. It's a little bit of common sense on the part of the child. If you KNOW that ______ will get you an uncomfortable spanking on the butt (not a punch or a smack or a push which is what a cchild does when they hit another child or bullies another child) then avoid doing _____. It is NOT the same as them hitting someone else.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • BTWyou DID do the right thing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • Anon:15 -- I completely disagree and think that you have no idea what you are talking about.....

    I was "whipped" as a kid... I was bad, I talked back, yelled, etc...and when I did I got spanked, and that made me stop.......because of that I got good grades, never drank, never did drugs, etc. I did however still emotionally grow and my spirit is unbruised....... I love spending time with my parents, I dont and have never seen them as bullies, I talk to them and see them basically everyday.

    I plan on doing the same when my kids are older.

    ( to the OP ) you did do the right thing, it shows by how he straightened up !
    glamomomo

    Answer by glamomomo at 10:06 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • ANON bashed, yet, gave no advice on what to do.....hmmm.

    It's not like you spank him hard every five minutes like a lady I saw recently...she was steadily popping her 2 y/o leg for the most mundane of reasons. Your son was warned, is old enough to differentiate between normal hitting and a spanking, he needs to know that his tone and words are not ok. Not all kids learn from privledge removal...my son and I were both ones that didn't care about it. But, the thought of a spanking helps.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 10:53 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

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