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Am I being selfish?

Me and my husband always talked about having 2 kids. But I intended to be a SAHM even though he always thought I would eventually work. For the first year of my son's life I babysat so I was always with him. Now I have found a job I really enjoy and I make decent money. But I hate leaving my son with the babysitter. So I told my husband no more kids. It's really not fair to my son to be raised by someone else and I refuse to do that to more kids. I can't even imagine leaving a 6 week old with a babysitter! So my husband wants me to keep working but wants me to have another baby too.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:09 AM on Apr. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • I think your husbands being selfish for making you feel this way...Do you HAVE to work?I can understand if the money is NEEDED but the cost of daycare isnt cheap lol..Does he know all this?
    ryanlynn

    Answer by ryanlynn at 10:13 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • You sound like you really need to decide what you really want and If it this great job you just laded then great or another child then that's great also but think about what your life is gonna be like for your one and only son in 10 years don't you think that he would want a baby bother or sister?! You need to really think about the long run also. So ya to answer yourquestion I think you are being VERY SELFISH not think of your child or your life partner.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • I can honestly see where you both are coming from. Kids and family are something you usually talk about before being married and you agree upon a plan. Of course circumstances change, but I know if my husband changed his mind about the decision we made together before getting married I would be very upset. I also know where you are coming from because I agree that you shouldn't have more children if you feel you would not be raising them the way you want to.
    I think you should maybe keep an open mind about the possibility of a 2nd child and keep revisiting the subject to see how the other one is feeling.
    lil_angel00

    Answer by lil_angel00 at 10:21 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • You're not being selfish. He wants you to be mommy, to work and to be the wife. I know mothers who work outside the home and it's exhausting. Not to mention the joy of turning over so much of what you make to a babysitter or daycare. In many cases, I'm not saying yours, but that alone can defeat the purpose of working. It sounds to me like you've taken into account important things in making your decision. Women are not just baby machines. I'm sure you love your son more than anything but just because we can reproduce does not mean we should do it just to make other people, that includes partners, happy. I think he's the one being selfish.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 10:26 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • OP- we do need to money and the job is worth the child care costs.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • Well, your hubby has never been able to spend all that time with him, either. Just saying. : )

    I think you guys need to find a good middle ground. Discuss the pros and cons with each other and WHY you feel the way you do and then decide which option is the best for your family. Do you really only want one child because at this point in your life he or she would be in daycare? What about 5 years from now?

    Remember, the first couple of years are not the entirety of the child's life. My son was in daycare for his first 18 months, but now (although we didn't forsee it) we are able to watch him during the day.
    mickstinator

    Answer by mickstinator at 11:18 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • do you have time to put off having another baby? Is there a rush?
    If you like the job and feel that the child care costs are worth it, then I say keep working and wait on a second baby.
    If it's not broken, then don't fix it!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • I can understand your DH wanting another baby. I work and have another on the way. He will go to daycare with his sister at 4 months of age. If my DD loves daycare and is well cared for, I know he will be too. We had 2 for we wanted our children to have a sibling. I just couldn't imagine not having my brothers. This will be a tough one for you both to work out. GOOD LUCK! :)

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on Apr. 5, 2010

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