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How to initiate the beginning of the end?

Wonder if anyone has ever had to initiate the topic of divorce to their spouse before? I am to the point where I am pretty sure our marriage is over and I have to make the huge step of bringing it to a discussion with dh and I want to do it in a way that is gonna be the least hurtful. I know it will be hard regardless, but I just wondered if anyone had any ideas about the best way to maybe do this?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on Apr. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I am about to do that myself. Well, I don't want a divorce just yet. I am hoping that a seperation might do us some good, but if it doesn't then it looks like divorce. I took off work early today to pack up my stuff and I will tell him when he comes home from lunch. Luckily, our son will be in school when I give my husband the news. I guess the best thing to do is make sure that you either have your stuff ready or allow him some alone time to pack up his things. Make sure the kids are away. Good Luck!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • I am about to end a ten years relationship and I have decided to just say it the longer I wait the longer it will drag on and the more likely someone is to get hurt. hurt is going to happen but we can try to keep it to a minimum. I have also decided to do it quickly for my own sake! Take care of yourself and the kids. GL

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:29 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • I have done that recently and it was hard as HELL to get to that point but he knew a while what was going on with us and when discussing what to do about us yet again and him not wanting counseling, he said he wouldn't sign anything. When I asked what he meant, he said divorce papers. I said I wanted a divorce and that's how it started. He asked me to keep trying but I was so emotionally and physically removed by then (this was going on for over 2 years) that after 6 months I knew I couldn't be married to someone that although I care for them and appreciate them, I don't have romantic or sexual feelings for him and he deserved to have that in a partner. He couldn't see this and didn't want to split, but he's accepted it once I got it started. He just a week ago moved out and has been served divorce papers. He's sad but handling it very well, especially with our son who is 4. Honestly, I'm glad he did this, ...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • CONT'D...

    because I was so afraid of backlash from him. He decided to be mature about it like I asked and I'm proud of him for that. I have moments where I feel crappy and guilty for sure, but I remember that I think he'll find what he needs in someone someday and I think that I am making the right choice for myself as well. It's the hardest thing to tell someone this, and I wanted to be honest and not hurtful, but it is hurtful to them so be prepared for emotions on all levels.

    Best wishes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • Talk to your husband about your marriage and what you're feeling, if he's at all responsive go to a counselor. It might be easier if the subject of ending the marriage is brought up as an option by a professional instead of you. Do everything you can save the marriage but once it's over and you're past the point of no return.
    mrsjonzy

    Answer by mrsjonzy at 11:35 AM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • I have never gone through this, but I remember when DH's parents went through this. She was still living in the house with him and SIL. MIL had FIL served with divorce papers. To me that was nuts. I would have talked to him about it first, but she didn't. He didn't see it coming until the day he got the papers. Talk about blindsided. Then on top of it, she wanted to stay in the house until the divorce was final. SIL told her she might as well leave, because it wasn't gonna get better. So, she finally moved out. I would suggest just being honest and telling him exactly what is on your mind. You don't want to do what my MIL did. That's crazy, and would only make the pain worse. The sooner the better. Good luck.
    Punky_1981

    Answer by Punky_1981 at 1:45 PM on Apr. 5, 2010

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