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i think i want to break up.. but i dont know.

i think i want to break up with my BF of 16 months. we get along great, but he's doing things behind my back- nothing TOO bad, he hasnt full on cheated yet, but he's doing things that put him in that position to cheat (like visit his ex-gf, in another state-- without even telling/asking me. i found out by checking out his email-- still havent questioned him about it.)..

but i dont want to break up with him either. i think i just want a break. i mostly just want to know if he likes/wants to be with his ex and if distance wasnt a problem between the two of them- would he be with her?

i've never taken a break before, and i've never broken up with a guy for something so small/silly... i mean, our relationship is perfect, except for this girl. but i'm thinking even if this girl wasnt in his life, i'd probably still want a break.. but i dont want to b/c DS does love him and this is my 2nd relationship in DS's 4 years.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:11 PM on Apr. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • i love him, i love how he is (other than the other girl situation)... but i just dont know. i can see him as a future DH, and i dont want to be the woman who brings guys into the child's life.. what do i do? i deserve someone who wont go visit their ex gf, even if i get mad about it (he said that he was gonna visit, "even if my girl gets mad")-- or even without him first talking to me and getting my opinion on the matter.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • It's unfortunately very fishy. His words that he'll go even if his girl gets mad, shows greatly what he thinks of you and your feelings. That to me is a big red flag saying go the other way and don't look back. I personally wouldn't want someone like that in my daughter/sons life. Remember if you stay, take a break and go back, he'll still be the same, willing to visit an ex in a heartbeat, maybe even willing to leave you and your child in a heartbeat for another woman. What if he does this, and your little ones love him? it wouldn't just hurt you.

    You're risking a lot if you ignore the red flags.

    If you JUST take a break, all you're doing is allowing him to go boink the other girl, the ex and whoever else, then come back to you when he's good and ready and you can't be mad that he did it you were on a break.

    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 12:23 PM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • Even if he didn't cheat, he has guilty motives if he felt that he needed to hide it from you. Don't marry a man that keeps secrets, because it always gets worse...Now does his ex have his child or something? Have you confronted him about this?
    WomanOfGod7

    Answer by WomanOfGod7 at 12:24 PM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • i dont really want to confront him about it b/c i'm not supposed to know. if i didnt go see his email, i would STILL be clueless. his ex has NO children with him/at all. HE has no kids (my son isnt his- although the way they act, its like he is DS's father, which makes it hard to leave b/c DS will wonder why the man thats been around for so long, is all of a sudden gone).

    i want to take a break and figure out my feelings, but i KNOW what my feelings are-- i love him, i can deal with everything else, BUT this girl/him wanting to visit. i feel like i dont matter much to him b/c of the emails they (him and ex) share. almost a year and a half into this relationship, so much time and energy invested, especially when it came to introducing him to DS almost a year ago (i waited 6 months before introducing them, to make sure that he was the one!).

    i just feel so stuck.. and stupid.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • Like you said, you aren't suppose to know. That should be a red flag for you. He did this behind your back, and didn't care enough to tell you. You need to confront him, and tell him that you know. There is a chance that he is cheating. You don't know the reason he went out to see her, and he shouldn't have done it anyways, especially without telling you. There is more going on here than you know. I think it would be good for you to get yourself, and your son away from this guy. You don't want DS thinking this is okay as he gets older.
    Punky_1981

    Answer by Punky_1981 at 1:33 PM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • 16 months invested,.... how much more stuck will you be 24 months invested or 5-10 years invested? 16 months is about how long it takes to truely know someone... and he's hiding things... that's him. According to his email, he doesn't care how you feel or what you think, so why stay? Why put your kid through that?

    You aren't supposed to know, well he isn't supposed to be doing that to you or going behind your back so what's the difference.

    Of course he'll throw it back at you like how dare read my email, you can say well I felt you were up to something and you were, you're in the wrong not me. If he had nothing to hide, you checking him email would be nothing to him.
    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 2:23 PM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • Break up with him. He IS cheating. Or, he WILL, but he probably already has. He obviously has no respect for you. Your son will respect your decision when he's old enough to understand. Your son wants the best for his mommy and this is not even okay.
    brookebella

    Answer by brookebella at 2:25 PM on Apr. 5, 2010

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