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my boyfriend and i hit each other, but we both just wanna move forward and forget it....how can i trust it will be the last?

we've been together 4 years and he and i are 22 and 26 (im older) and we both have some ugly tempers but this is the only fight that has gotten bad. we have had a shoving match before, but i actually punched him in the jaw bc he had me in a hold and was hurting me and wouldnt let me up. he tried to smack me in the face with a hand towel but came too close and grazed my face and he scratched me pretty bad. i was scared bc he was really pissed and screaming and ranting, and it was just an ugly scene bc friends were there to see most of the name calling (from him) and the punch later from me. we both moved out of our house temporarily to decide what to do, he is begging for me to come home bc the whole thing was started by him. we both agreed to go to counseling, but i dont want us to ever get violent again. also im still hurt by what he said and did. how long should i wait before i make up my mind. hes a great guy with..cont'd

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on Apr. 5, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • The only person you can change is yourself. If you want it to be the last time you do something out of anger that you'll regret, it can be. However, he is in charge of changing himself so only time will tell how devoted he is. I can definitely speak for change. My husband and I got married young and had a pretty explosive relationship. It took a lot of work from both of us but we are now a lot more calm and communicative, even when we get in a fight. Communication is the key, talk talk talk. If he doesn't/can't talk about things face to face, talk to him through facebook chat, write notes, whatever works. You both have to lay things out in the open and agree on your next step. During a calm moment, tell him your hopes for a family but be careful that you're not saying "don't do this, stop doing that". Instead try "I would really like it if... I feel happy when...". Hopefully he'll be open to suggestions!
    lilac83

    Answer by lilac83 at 12:12 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • serious communication problem, he packs his feelings away until they explode like a timebomb. we have 2 kids, do i owe it to try to work things out? or do i walk away? i know i was wrong for hitting him but he was trying to forcibly knock me down so that i couldnt leave....i dont know what to do but i love him and i want to try counseling with him i just dont want his behavior to stay the same. i really want him to know and understand what i want from a "potential" husband and i dont have time to waste bc i want a family and he still wants to han gwith friends all the time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 PM on Apr. 5, 2010

  • Kids shouldn't live with two people with ugly tempers. He should move out and you need to go to counseling to work on yours. You may find without him you don't have a problem. Some people rub off on normal people and make them behave badly. You don't owe him anything, you aren't even married. You may have to have minimum contact if he wants to have visitation with your kids.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 12:05 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • My family always said that if you hit like a man...then be ready to be hit by a man. I agree in a way...but then again I don't. You need to sit down with him and find out what makes yall act this way. Stop doing what upsets him, and he needs to do the same. When yall start getting hot headed, you need to tell him to sit down and talk about it normally...which means that you need to stay calm and hear his side too...but you need to make it clear from the begining that this is what ya'll do if ya'll get in a fight. If you and him can't talk calmly then ya'll need to go into different rooms until ya'll cool down enough to talk. You should never try to leave when you and him are mad....that can make things worse. I can't stand when my friends threaten to leave and or walk out on thier man or woman when thier fighting...it doesn't solve anything. Hiting is a NO NO from either of you. SIT and talk be4 things get to that .
    GotToHaveFaith

    Answer by GotToHaveFaith at 12:12 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • "The only person you can change is yourself. If you want it to be the last time you do something out of anger that you'll regret, it can be. However, he is in charge of changing himself so only time will tell how devoted he is. I can definitely speak for change. My husband and I got married young and had a pretty explosive relationship. It took a lot of work from both of us but we are now a lot more calm and communicative, even when we get in a fight. Communication is the key, talk talk talk. If he doesn't/can't talk about things face to face, talk to him through facebook chat, write notes, whatever works. You both have to lay things out in the open and agree on your next step. During a calm moment, tell him your hopes for a family but be careful that you're not saying "don't do this, stop doing that". Instead try "I would really like it if... I feel happy when...". Hopefully he'll be open to suggestions!"

    DITTO
    clhadley

    Answer by clhadley at 12:37 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Oh sadly I don't think this is going to end well. If you are being aggressive like this ( and he is only 22, you 26) there is a really long time between now and forever to keep those tempers in check. I really believe the first step in this needs to be an independant counsellor. Your children should never see this again and you should make sure they never do!
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 2:54 AM on Apr. 6, 2010