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What to do? maybe i already know, just need backup

My husband is an alcoholic, we are young, married 2 years, no kids, just bought a house, he is nice during the day, but just mean at night, i try to tell him the things he says are mean, for example, i do everything wrong, and blames everything on me, down to moving the scotch tape to another drawer, i dont remember doing it, but its not a big deal and most people would just go on with life and not point it out. I just dont know what to do, we have done everything together for 6 years, we go out im always the sober driver, not fair to me i would like to blow off steam sometimes, i vow not to have children till he sobers up, but i dont see it happening, he drinks a 12 pack a day, i thought it was because he was young when i married him he would grow out of it, drinks alone, every night of the week and i make excuses as to why he has a busted lip(from falling down) how the window broke, when he fell thru it what do i do???

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:04 AM on Apr. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • All this behavior points to IMMATURE.
    Hello, wake up. Obviously he's not going to change and even if he was young when he drank, that doesn't mean everything.
    I would suggest therapy but hey, it's not my problem!

    Good luck!

    Answer by Estefany4life at 3:18 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • When he is sober does he admit that there might be a problem? I dont know if this might be possible, but could you set up a video camera in an inconspicuous place? Even if it only caught his voice, it might wake him up. And if you are at ALL afraid of how he could react then I think you already DO know what you need to do. It is very immature behavior, and it could escalate. He may only be verbally abusive now, but if he cant see a problem and be willing to deal with it, its only going to get worse. You do not deserve to be put down, and no matter what he has no right to treat you that way.

    Answer by BritRose at 4:01 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I suggest you find an Al-Anon meeting for support and ideas from those who also live with alcoholism in their lives. You may find you don't want to continue with this life and move on to one with less drama. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:01 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • You can not change him. He has to do that. You either keep putting up with his problem or leave. There is know easy way to deal with it, sorry.

    Answer by louise2 at 5:36 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • If he is willing to go to AA consistently and you to AL-anon, and both to couples counseling, then your relationship is worth working on. If not, I suggest separation and eventually divorce if that doesn't change himinspire him to put effort into recovery. Alcoholics CAN get sober, but they have to desire it themselves and have to be committed. Oh, and, they will always be alcoholics, they will just be alcoholics with x years sober and it will always be a struggle and they won't be ever able to casually drink like others. You are right not to put children into that situation, but can I ask why you decided to come to this site if you are not a mom?

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 6:25 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • You can not change him. LEAVE. IF he gets help for himself by himself then of course by all means try to work it out, but not untill or unless that happens. (spoken by the child of an extreeme alchy who is now dying from it, and used to beat the shit out me because of it)

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 6:53 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • why are you on cafeMOM if you don't have any kids?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:20 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • why are you on cafeMOM if you don't have any kids?

    He needs to want to get help you cannot make an addict do it if they do not want too....


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:24 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • It might be hard to leave him, but keep in mind that there are other people in this world who would treat you with respect. Get out now while you don't have children. Otherwise, his actions will continue, only some day there might be little eyes and ears around the house taking it all in.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:50 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • ????? no kidsconfused


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

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