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Should I let my 11 year old live with her Gramma for the school year??

My daughter will be 11 this summer. My Mom would like to take her for next school year (her 6th grade year). She is a certified teacher and is homeschooling my 2 little brothers (age 8 and 10). My daughter has had a few issues with school and my mom thinks she can get her "on track" for Jr. High. I think that it is great and I wouldn't have too much of an issue with it except that my Mom lives about 1000 miles away. Due to the weather between us, I would only be able to see her 2 times in the 9 months she would be gone. The other issue is that she has been on a sort of rebellion kick lately and she will ignore me, get physical with her little brother (he is only 3), and go so far as to tell me that she hates meand she is going to run away. She hasn't acted on that last one, but it makes me worry. She only acts like this with me, no one else. So, it makes me think that maybe she can get over this whole thing during the break.

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cjzmom

Asked by cjzmom at 5:43 AM on Apr. 6, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 6 (112 Credits)
Answers (27)
  • Just to add a note here. I am not wanting to "ship her off" or pawn her off on someone else. I know that some of her issues could just be hormonal and go along with her age, but aside from that, I really think that my mom could help her a lot to raise her grades and be on track for Jr. High. Also, if you plan on writing a mean response, please just move on to the next question. I have enough on my plate without being badgered in writing. And I will report rude and inappropriate responses. Thanks ahead of time for valid opinions!

    cjzmom

    Answer by cjzmom at 5:49 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I think letting her spend the year with your mom is actually a very good idea, except for the 1000 miles part. Where do you live and where does your mother live??

    I am not normally for homeschooling, but it's only a year and I think it could help since she has issues at school. I am a teacher and we do recommend homeschooling for children with issues for just one year and when parents do that we actually do see a lot of change. I'd say go for it. What does your daughter think? Does she want to go? You should make it seem likemyou made this decision together.
    pipermomofash

    Answer by pipermomofash at 5:59 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • The part about your mom homeschooling her may be okay, but if she's having issues at school that part probably won't change. Is it problems with other kids, or simply learning? If it were me, I'd try to get to the bottom of the real problem first, so the two of you can get along. Something is bothering her for her to be acting out so much, and if she won't talk to you about it, perhaps a professional could help. It sounds to me like something is causing her a lot of pain.
    NanaR46

    Answer by NanaR46 at 7:28 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I think she may get a new respect for you, as long as she's ok with doing this too. Maybe that's what the two of you need, just some time apart, and Grandmas are always good and putting kids back on track.I think it's a definite option for you guys, it will be a year to remember, and when she's 25 you can have that "remeber when" story... go for it (if she's ok with it). Good luck.
    Pamarita

    Answer by Pamarita at 8:05 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • It sounds like a good plan
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:17 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • You know, if you agree with your mother about her ability to get her back on track, go for it. You can look at Skype for weekly communications, emails, etc. Even though the weather will keep you apart most of the time during her 9 mos., that's no reason to not communicate, keep the lines of communication open, talk with your mother about helping with that, and I think everything will be fine!
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:56 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • It's really your daughter's call. It's her life will be affected.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • If her issues in school happen to be others putting her down or her not feeling accepted, and that's affecting her grades, I'd let her try the homeschooling. I was picked on horribly from 5th grade until I graduated HS, but it wasn't as bad after the 9th grade when I started speaking up for myself more. But my self-esteem was horribly low from it for years. I will pull my own kids from school if something similiar happens to them because kids can be cruel and I do not want my kids to go through what I went through
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 9:28 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I have a 10 year old son and while his dad lived in Nevada (I live in Ohio) he would go visit for the summers. (His dad just moved to Ohio this past November). It was really hard on me, I missed my son so much. But by the time he got back, our relationship did improve. I had time to think of ways to better correct his bad behaviors and to redirect him. And he had the time to miss his mommy.Although I missed him like crazy, it ended being a good break. Maybe you can send her for the summer and then think of how you feel by the time its time for school to start.You might miss her so much by then that you couldn't stand it and would want to bring her back.
    I went to live with my grandma when I was 14-16 because I had some issues at home with my parents and my grandma also needed the company and the help. It was a good experience for me.I enjoyed it a lot.
    Good Luck with your decision! It does sound like a tough call!
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 9:37 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I wonder if part of her problem stems from her relationship with you. She is not on your profile and your screen name indicate being Jacks Mom only. If you feel you two would BOTH benefit from her living with your Mom for a year, I would go for it. It would be hard for me to be away from my kids, but we are not having issues so that makes a difference. In the end, if 9 months with Grandma would put her (and you ) on the right track than you should do it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

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