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My SD likes to stare and comment and laugh at people...now she is talking about my family and I too. what should i do?

My 12 y/o stepdaughter is mean and rude. When ever we go out she likes to stare at people and make fun of them and laugh at them. Now i found her commenting on my family (brother and sisters hair for example) and laughing ... Im pregnant and my husband and I have chose a name for out son and she went and told her mom and aunts who were also making fun and saying POOR KID... I dont want her to take pic of my family or even my soon to be born son so she can use them as a joke with her moms side of the family....what shoud I do?
1--I have told dad, but its not a big deal to him and he just says "ok thats enough sweetheart"
2--I have set examples myself so that she sees for herself. A ELDERLY LADY DROPED ORANGES AT STORE AND MY SD LAUGHED AND GRABED MY ARM TO MOVE AWAY..I STOPPED AND HELP THE LADY AND OF COURSE DIDNT LAGH, I FELT BAD.
3--have said" how would you feel if that was you, but she still continues :-(
pls advice!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:03 AM on Apr. 6, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (30)
  • Put your foot down with your SO and make him deal with it. She is not going to listen to you, and "Thats enough sweetheart is not going to do a thing." Tell him he has to actually do something and start punishing her for it or you will not take her in public anymore, and that she is not going to be allowed near yourside of the family,
    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 9:06 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Girl needs a reality check..You have been great so far..I would have been finding some local kids to point and laugh at her! HOW dare she laugh at the old lady..OMG..Im mad for you..grrrrStop treating her like a child.IF she thinks she can act like a BIG girl she will learn to TAKE it like a big girl..(that make sense?in my head it does lol but not reading it :/)
    ryanlynn

    Answer by ryanlynn at 9:15 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Oh gosh, being a step mommy is hard! If she lives with you,,,you need to have a serious talk with your hubby and demand that he put a stop to this,,,next time it happens he should take away a privilege. I also think perhaps you should take her to a childrens hospital and volunteer her services,,maybe seeing sick children would make her appreciate her life better. I think you need to be careful in engaging with her on this. It sounds like she has learned this from her mother and YOUR husband needs to reign this in. I am thinking she needs some tough love, perhaps a day of picking up garbage by the side of the road! I am surprised she has no empathy! Good luck mommy! BTW what is the name of your baby going to be??? I am just curious to what they sound so funny about it!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:23 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • She's a "mean" girl. Unfortunately with her mother and her mother's family participating in the behavior, there is nothing to stop it Her father could put his foot down in your house, but it won't help when the two if you are alone or when she is with her mother.

    I wish you luck! "Queenbees and Wannabes" is a great book on the behavior of girls that age. You might read it and pass it on to the mother.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:24 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • find out something really nasty about her im sure there is something bc of her age..then when you get with your fam and shes around politely announce her bizz to everyone..will teach her a good lesson my sd is also 12 had the same problem and well i solved that pretty quickly
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I would reprimand her for speaking rudely of people like that - especially family! That is unacceptable. There needs to be consequences. I am a stepmom and I am not afraid to enforce consequences for disrespectful behavior in my SKs. They know how to behave and do so most of the time better with me than with their BM. I would explain to DH that this is a serious issue.

    oh, i love the idea of having her volunteer. i think that would be a great idea. Have her start volunteering regularly if you can.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 8:54 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Step family dynamics can be such a tricky thing. I certainly think you should leave it up to your husband to discipline her, but discipline her he should. No one is doing her any favors by letting her behave like an unkind mean girl.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • Oh yea that age they what to be grown up like * ryanlynn said treat her like a Young lady (that what we want her to become...) Tell her you wouldn't take her anywhere if she acts like that, demand she acts like a young lady not a spoiled child.
    Midnite00

    Answer by Midnite00 at 11:30 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • From your description it sounds as if if her "other family" indulges her behavior or even participates in it. If this is the case, then there's only so much that you can do. You can let her know when she is in you home that you don't allow that type of behavior. Let her know that it is rude and hurtful. She does need a lesson that will show her that when we hurt others we also hurt ourselves. She is not too old for discipline. Talk with her father about what form of discipline to use. He needs to be the one to come forward to his daughter first. The volunteer idea is great! Keeping in mind the communication and interaction with her mother, would it be of any help to discuss it with her or is she just too combative/immature to work with your family on this issue?
    NikkiMomof2grls

    Answer by NikkiMomof2grls at 11:32 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • its another case of you married somone with kids!! It is not something wihin your control, so you need to find a way to deal or you will just be making more drama and discord .
    chica1965

    Answer by chica1965 at 11:43 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

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