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Trial Seperation-3 month probation period

This is what I want. The purpose: we are both miserable & need to find what makes us happy besides family. Further, he has a hard time trusting me & builds a lot of tention between us. I am a social person & lost a lot of who I am through out the years. SO, it has been 5 weeks and he wants to come back. (We are now on opposite sides of the country.) There has been no change & quite frankly, this is the happiest I've been in a long time. So, yesterday he told me he is coming back. He had $900 in which $300 to drive, so he does not have enough to get a place. Even if he came, I do not want to live with him. It has only been 1 month & I see no improvement. So basically, I told him this is not what I want, & that he should not consider coming for 2 more months like we originially planned. He is so selfish that Im to the point of just giving up. I want a divorce. It is like he does not care about my feelings or the main problem...

 
Amberoz

Asked by Amberoz at 11:19 AM on Apr. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (34 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • shaking my head... i dnt even knw what to say to this. im thinking that you made your bed so lay in it. how come your feelings are the only thing that matters? huh? what about his feelings? what about your daughter growing up with both her parents? it seems like u are selfish! u looking at the other side b/c u think the grass is greener over there.. have u even put in an effort to make your marriage work? u are a mom and a wife now. family should be your first priority! since being "social" is all u care about let the man go so he can find a real woman to be a family with!
    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 10:04 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • cont.....all he wants is to be with his family. Great quality, I know. But I think he just likes the idea. He does not want to change. ie his stubborness, he is accusive, I have no freedom, . Should I try to make it work for our 17 month old? And suffer my happiness? Because I knew before we married that he is not the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I tell him this all the time, for years, but he insists that I am lying. I feel like the only way now is the hrd way of being a complete bitch becasue being civil & nuetral has givin him the impression that there is still a chance. I feel like a prisonner in this marriage.
    Amberoz

    Answer by Amberoz at 11:24 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Why would you marry someone in the first place that you didn't want to spend the rest of your life with? It sounds to me that you already made up your mind, and the three month separation is just to keep him at bay. If you knew you didn't want to get back with him, why didn't you just divorce him to begin with, and let him find someone who is going to love him and want to be with him?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Do not stay with him, just for your child's sake. If you are not happy, then it's really hard to be a good mother.I would do what makes you happy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I'm sorry but he doesnt sound selfish to me. He sounds like he married you wanting a wife and a family and you knew from day one you didnt want to be with him. so I am a little confused why you are dragging him along and saying this is on him? its on you.
    let him find a women who wants what he wants. stop stringing him along for your own selfish reasons. if you want out, do it.good luck to you tho because let me telly ou its a harsh world out there for a single mom with a child. Men are still jerks and to find one who wants to settle down and be a family man is rare. you may be happy with this new found freedom now, but reality is you are a mom now and life isnt all about freedom and what you want. its about what you have to do too, for your kids...but good luck with it all.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 11:33 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I agree with anon 1131- don't let him bully you into something you don't want.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Op here- I married him because I like his qualities. He is a great person, big heart, but to simplify, we are not that compatable- he is a homebody & I am social. Further he cannot accept my past & the decision I have made. This will always be a part of who I am now, I accept it, he cannot. He is afraid I will cheat on him becaue I was promiscous aS A TEEN. (i AM 25 HE IS 33) I have never even thought of betraying him like that, but he is still accusing me of only wanting a divorce becasue I met someone. That is that last thing I want right now.
    Amberoz

    Answer by Amberoz at 11:57 AM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Divorce him so he can find someone who really loves him bcause it doesn't sound like you do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 PM on Apr. 6, 2010