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The big "D"...and I don't mean Dallas...

After reading many questions on here and the advice given, I see that a lot of women advise other women to get a divorce. I guess I wonder why it's so easy to just walk away. Is it because it's easier than working on whatever the problem(s) may be? I do believe that abuse of any nature, mental, physical or emotional, should not be tolerated and warrants divorce. I just wonder why if someone is just "not feeling in love" any more that they move in the direction of divorce. Marriage isn't all rose petals and butterflies. It's hard work and for good reason. It takes trust, communication, compromise and sacrifice....on both parties parts. Do the vows that are said during the wedding even matter anymore? It's easy to be happy when things are good, but it's when things get tough that show you what your marriage is made of.

So, is divorce an option for you? What is your deal breaker? What is HIS deal breaker?

 
clhadley

Asked by clhadley at 12:35 PM on Apr. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (19 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • There is no deal breaker. He would never abuse or cheat on me. I am 100% committed to our marriage. Yes - it is not always a bed of roses. It is not always love and romance. But I love this man and cannot see myself ever being without him.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 2:21 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I couldn't agree with you more..I've always said it's easier to walk away than to work at it...I've been a the verge and so has he...but we have stayed and worked at it, we still do.
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 12:44 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Infidelity. Abuse. These would do it for me.

    For him, I can't imagine that he has any deal breakers. He'd want what is best for me.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 12:45 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Divorce is not a standard option in this marriage. There are only very specific and extreme circumstances where divorce is acceptable....for both of us. Throwing the word around is also not acceptable.

    Sexual abuse of the kids is an automatic deal breaker and the only one.

    Everything else that most people consider deal breakers are not unless every attempt to save the marriage has been made to n0 avail.
    anetrnlov

    Answer by anetrnlov at 12:46 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I have replied to many posts like that and the only times, I suggest divorce is when there is physical or mental abuse happening. The only times divorce would be an option for me is if my dh was abusive to my or our dd, and possibly if he were unfaithful. He only thing he ever said about divorcing me is that he would rather die.
    Liz132

    Answer by Liz132 at 12:46 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I agree. Abuse would be a deal breaker...of any kind. I know that my husband's deal breaker is if I found out I was pregnant and had an abortion....while we're married.
    I never would, have an abortion. He just could never think of anything. He always says, "I don't care what you do, I'm not signing any papers!" I've threatened to walk out before, but in the end, it's him I see myself with. And even when the passion was barely there, we just took a weekend and drove to Yellowstone and really just brought up all the good memories and all the things that we love about each other. I think that people think that you can just fall out of love, which I'm sure is true. I just think that with all the problems that marriages face nowadays, it's seems easy to "forget" what it is that made you get those butterflies in the tummy.

    I think that abuse would have to be the deal breaker for me. I just can't see him doing it though.
    clhadley

    Answer by clhadley at 12:51 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • i'm not married, but right now, the deal breaker for me, is cheating a second time (he hasnt done a first- but i give second changes, to learn from the mistake)... abuse of ANY kind, and knowingly putting me or my DS in harm's way... also, starting up drugs and going to jail (depending on the reason-- a simple ticket/traffic offense, i dont care about.. but if its something major- he threatens someone or something, i'd be done).

    for him-- i'm not sure what his deal breaker is. i know cheating is an "automatic dismissal". lol but i really think thats all that he's said.

    we are really good at communication, compromise, and working together, so everytime we have something that COULD lead into a fight, we are able to talk through it like adults and we've NEVER had to raise our voices at each other in over a year and a half of our relationship
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • for him the deal breaker is infidelity. It's not something I would want to put up with, but I wouldn't automatically leave him over it- I'd seek counseling first to see why it happened.
    For me, drugs and abuse would be the deal breaker.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:20 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • My me...the deal breakers would be abuse. I would do my best with infidelity on his part, but I couldn't guarantee a happy outcome, as much would depend upon his reaction to the situation as well. The only sure-fire Big D in this marriage is Death. : )
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:22 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I agree with you that people walk away from marriages too easily now, not thinking of their kid's best interest. My deal breaker was when he started spending our grocery money on pot and being high constantly around our son, making stupid and dangerous decisions for our son, and finally, when confronted he chose pot over his family..so we're done.
    gypsymama532

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 2:55 PM on Apr. 6, 2010