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anyone else find the complete one on one too confining?

first off, I don't cheat- but I've come to a decision that many will find unpopular. I've always had lots of guy friends, they work better for me over female friendships. I confide in these guys like a lot of women do with their girlfriends. I decided a few months ago to tone it down since I thought that it was what I 'should' do since I'll be married for 11 years this month.
Thought it was time to grow up so to speak.
My acupuncturist told me that my body was showing signs being more stressed and asked if I was doing anything that felt against my nature. I told him that I was changing my ways as far as my guy friends went. So he suggested I maybe try the old ways again.
Guess what? My body is stronger, I feel like exercising again, breathing better, and getting along better with the DH.
I just find looking to my DH to be all I need male relationship wise to not work.
Not in open marriage,but anyone else feel this way?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Apr. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • No.... I confide in my Husband, that's why I married him. He's my best friend. I have other friends, but not as close to me as my Hubby is. I think my Hubby would feel very disrespected if I turned to others to confide in etc... I think friendships are important, but when you're married your focus should on that, your marriage.


    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 1:40 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I would say that change takes sacrafice...any change in our lives is going to cause more stress and tension because it's different from what we're used to. If your husband trusts you and is ok with you having male friends, then it shouldn't be something that is a big deal.....but do you think it would make it a whole lot more comfortable say, if your husband became friends with your guy friends as well? Then you can/should hang out all together.
    Another thing is, is that if your acting around your guy friends flirtaeous or single at all, then it's a problem to have those kinds of friends.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Men can't be just friends, even if you're not interested in them and they've never tried anything there is an agenda, they want to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • OP- "If your husband trusts you and is ok with you having male friends, then it shouldn't be something that is a big deal"
    he knows about it. I prefer that he not read my letters to them since he has a jealous streak and can sometimes read between the lines too much. He's OK with that.
    as far as him knowing these guys, most of them are very far away so he probably won't see them anytime soon, but I do think that they would all like each other.

    I guess it's a give and take for both of us. I was trying to fix a situation that wasn't really broken, because I thought I should.
    My DH didn't ask me to, I thought it would make a improvement. Since it didn't, I decided I was being silly.

    I guess I just felt like voicing it. :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • "Men can't be just friends"

    This is a complete CROCK! My best friend in the whole world (besides DH) is a man, & we've been best friends since friggen kindergarten! When you grow up with someone like they are family, believe it or not, you don't really think about having sex with them. And he hd PLENTY of oppurtunity to make a move if he was ever interested.

    Men most certainly CAN be just friends. Sorry you don't know any better. You must not have known many cool men. Whan you find platonic friendship in a man, it can be a wonderful thing.

    I do confide in things with my DH though, i tell him everything & anything.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 2:07 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • amen to that samurai_chica!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I'm with samurai_chica. My best friend is a man he's been my best friend for 10 years! He's almost like a part of me now! He and my DF have become friends, we all hang out together.

    I tell my fiance everything. If I wasn't comfortable enough to confide in him, I would never have agreed to marry him. I talk to my BFF about issues I'm having with DF so I can get my thoughts straight. Then, I go to DF and talk to him about whatever issues I have. So, I'm wondering if that's kinda what OP means? Do you bounce things off your guy friends before you talk to DH or are you telling them things that you're not telling DH? There should NEVER be secrets in a relationship. That's a train wreck waiting to happen.

    Answer by sadiesmom87 at 3:25 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Men can be friends with you without any other agenda. Ok, this is not to say that he hasn't thought about it a time or two about nailing you...who cares? the fact is that in the end if you have been friends for years and nothing has happened then you have found yourself someone to confide in, who cares if they are male or female. I love my male friends and confide in them and joke around with them. What you tried to do was great but if you hubby isn't asking you to give up these guy friends and you've been married 11 years then you are doing something right...don't try and fix what isn't broken! ;) Have your guy friends hun. There's nothing wrong with it all.

    Answer by AWomansMind at 6:24 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

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