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how do i change my self esteem? i feel like he just wants sex and i KNOW its not like that...

but it doesnt change what i feel/think. my BF does all the nice little things for me- when he comes over, he helps clean, helps cook, helps take care of MY ds (not his), he rubs my back, he'd rub my feet if i let him! lol he brings me flowers and my fav food just because. i mean, the man is AMAZING! but as soon as we settle down for the night, he starts touching on me and basically turns into a sex-hound (like all guys, right? lol) saying we should do it on the couch, or go to the bedroom, etc. and i just feel that all he wants to do is have sex with me. that all i am to him, is a sex object. i know i'm not b/c of what he does for me-- if i was just a sex object, why would he do all that for him, kwim? but then he makes these stupid comments like "i cant go a week without sex...(he looks at me to judge my facial expression, then says). i mean, i CAN, but it'll be hard".. i just feel so unsexy/worthless when it comes to him.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:34 PM on Apr. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • umm enjoy it while it lasts...Hey he's into you and wants to be "freaky" with you...At least your not asking why wont he have sex with me....my husband hasnt touched my in over 30 days....and he is only 33.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • It's all in your head sister. My DH does not have a huge sex drive. He would rather write songs & play guitar. The fact that he does NOT want to have sex often makes me feel less attractive. Ask yourself this "if he never wanted to be intimate with me, how would that make me feel"

    You're insecurities are born in your own head. You have no reason to be so insecure. Your man is good to you, he loves you & wants to make love to you. What on earth are you complaining about? I would have my DH trade sex drives with yours in a heart beat.

    If you would like to feel better about yourself, start doing good things for others anonymously. This has been proven to help people feel better about themselves by doing good for mankind. Volunteer at a shelter, give some money to a poor person, give some food to a homeless man. If you behave selflessly, & without hopes of recognition, you will slowly begin feeling better about
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 1:59 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • thanks. its like everything that he has done for me leaves my mind when he's trying to "get in my pants". like he does everything in hopes that i'll have sex with him. maybe its also hormonal? i mean, 99% of the time, i'm not into it, i'm not sexually aroused and at this point, i cant even get MYSELF interested in masturbating, so him attempting to is really pointless.. but he tries and i think thats what makes me feel like he just wants sex. (i also have pain now, when having sex. docs cant find a reason for it.. but i'm beginning to think that its also in my mind).

    I'm gonna look into some volunteer type things. i cant get into an organization cuz i have no one to watch DS, but that doesnt mean that me and DS cant do nice things for the neighborhood.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • You need to see your ob/gyn. You lack of sex drive is the problem, as well as your self-esteem issues. Have you EVER wanted sex. A good therapist wouldn't hurt either.
    bella36

    Answer by bella36 at 2:10 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • i'm actually looking into therapists today (for a lot of different reasons, but i know some are based upon my self esteem). when i first met my BF, i ALWAYS wanted sex with him. it'd be like 3 or 4 times a night! with DS's bio-dad (5 years ago), we could do it 6 times a night the most, plus times during the day after that 6 times.. but the average was like 2-3 times EVERY night (lol and i wonder why we got pregnant! lol jk). the sex drive was on a rollercoaster for a while now- up and down, wanting him to being disgusted when he touches me... but for about the last 2 or 3 weeks- its been in the "dont touch me" slope.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I would consult your OB/GYN and possibly a therapist. One possibility is that you have untreated PPD.
    happytexasCM

    Answer by happytexasCM at 2:20 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • PPD after DS was born? DS will be 5 in October. i thought PPD only occured for up to 3 years of the child's life.... i DO have depression (and anxiety, self esteem/self worth issues and more.. lol i'm a basket case) tho, which is part of the reason i am seeking out a therapist.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:26 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Did something happen to you sexually as a child? Just asking because that could cause all the feelings you described including going from wanting it all the time to not at all. Maybe see a therapist?
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 2:52 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I feel the same way. The only difference in my scenario is that I always want sex too. The guy I'm with is really nice and wonderful, but I tend to think I'm just a sex object too. I have no advice unfortunately. I try to just stop myself from thinking all the stupid crap and thinking about all the good things, and just "knowing" that my brain is messing with me and I'm not just a sex object.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • not really as a child. with DS's bio-dad, he'd rape me repeatedly and then tried to pimp me out.. and then i had a male "friend" (my best friend at the time!) who snuck into my house and raped me. DS's dad did that 5-6 years ago. the "friend" did that about 3 years ago. my BF knows about all that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

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