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MIL and delivery room

Our first child we had practically all the grandparents in the room, just cuz i was to the point I didn't care I just wanted to baby out lol. But my MIL (at the time just BF's mom) wasn't really invited. My son isn't biologically DH's and the nurses started to say there were to many ppl in there, and my dad politely asked her to step out so he could stay. Well long story short she refused, dad left, till i cried and made bf go get him.
The second baby. She was very upset and down right bitchy when we switched hospitals (we went to one that had a strict limit on only3 ppl in the room). We told her I wasn't choosing between grandparents and it was just going to be DH and I. She constantly tried to get me to change my mind and made the pregnancy hell. She really got upset when I wrote in my birth plan, IF anything went wrong, my dad had the right to make medical decisions. (DH didn't know if he could handle it).
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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on Apr. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Now i'm pregnant with number three, haven't said any of our plans, but I plan on yet again just me and him. ANd I fear she is going to do the same thing. And this time I'm living with her. Which means hearing it constantly. How can I explain to her this is what I want and nothing will change it. Without pissing her off

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I wish I had some really good advice.... I feel for you though!! It really sucks that she is pushing her way into such an intimate experience.
    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 2:44 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I don't know if I would be so concerned about not pissing her off. This is the kind of thing that makes me sooo mad! It is no one else's right to make you feel bad for who you want in the delivery room! If you don't want her in there, she should accept it and move on...not make you stress out for 9 months about it. I would straight up tell her that DH and you are going to be the only 2 in the room. That is what you've BOTH decided and that its final. If she starts to get shitty with you, or cause problems, tell DH to handle it. Its his mom and you shouldn't have to deal with her. But sometimes you can't cherry coat everything because people will walk all over you.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 2:46 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I never had anyone in the delivery room but my man and the baby. Just because they had there turn and I felt it was a beautiful moment for only us, so It was my turn to have mine, start my family. It was not fuss, everyone was ok with my decission.

    Maybe it should just be your self and your husband. That is that. You really don't need an audience. LOL,
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 2:46 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I'd hold off on telling her until later if possible just so you don't have to have an ongoing arguement for your whole pregnancy. If she got mad last time, she'll likely get mad this time too. Hopefully since you stuck to it last time she will realize you are serious this time. Could you maybe ask her to watch your children during the labor to give her another important job to do and keep her busy?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • WHY anyone wants to be in there anyhow is beyond me...seriously-and people who video it? yikes
    I would just tell her that after the first time-with so many people in there you have decided that you honestly weren't comfortable with all that and you feel it should only be the two of you
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 2:51 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • In the end its your child, your pregnancy and your time to share with your SO. She has no business being in there. If she wants to see the baby she can wait until AFTER you and your SO have had time to share that moment. Tell thats how it is and you're not changing your mind end of story. Tell her she got to experience the births of her children and this is your time and if she doesn't like it oh well.
    mommaplaysbass

    Answer by mommaplaysbass at 2:53 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • We just "didn't have time" to call my MIL when I went into labor. We are more of the if-you weren't-present-for-the-conception-you-aren't-invited-to-the-birth people. Also, that is OUR baby coming out of my vagina, and I don't want people all gathered around itching to take her out of my arms. My dh agrees, so it's not an issue. I would definitely talk this over with your dh, because ultimately he is going to be the one who has to put his foot down. Also, your nurses and the staff are supposed to kick people out if you dont' want them there. They aren't even supposed to get back there unless you say it's okay. So, one option is to get there, and then call, and inform the nurses no one is coming back, and you will be upset if they do.

    I agree with giving her a big job, like taking care of the other children or something.
    whiteroses82

    Answer by whiteroses82 at 2:55 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I agree with KFree907 all the way
    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 2:57 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I wouldn't want to watch my sons wife push out a baby, thats just intrusive. If it were your mother it might be different but thats not her place.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:01 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

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