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Sometimes Daddy's just don't understand!

I work 5-11 5 days a week and Dh works days, so he's the one who usually puts our 3 month old DD to bed every night. I was off last night and around 8:30 she started acting sleepy. So I fed her and swaddled her and started rocking her. 11pm she's still fighting sleep. Dh offered to take her. About 15 min after he took ehr she started SCREAMING. He said thats what she does everynight. I offered to take her back ,but he said no. I could not stand it. It wasn't that she was crying, it was because my baby was crying and he wouldn't give her to me! I literally ached down to my toes. I hated the idea that my baby was screaming her off and I couldn't hold her!I finally just took her. I started kissing her and talking to her and she stopped screaming and passed out. BUt he got SOO mad at me. I tried to explain it to him but he just didn't get it. How can I get him to understand? Its just different for mommys!

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Apr. 6, 2010 in Just for Fun

Answers (7)
  • He may have felt the same as you when you took her away from him. Daddys do understand, they have feelings too. He probably thinks that you think he can't handle it,yet its something he does every night.
    If that happens again, maybe you could go out the porch and drink a glass of wine or go into your bedroom and read a book or go take a bath or something.
    Just put yourself in his shoes and try to understand from his side too. Baby is okay,you both love her very much,trust him as he should trust in your abilities as a mommy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I agree with the PP. He does get it because he's feeling the same thing you are.

    You've got a man that *WANTS* to be a hands-on Dad. Let him. It's amazing gift to your little girl, to your DH and to you.

    I've got one of those DH's. Does he handle things the way I would all the time? No. Does that aggravate me? Sometimes, yes it does. But you know what? My now 7 and 5 year old are incredibly blessed to have us BOTH in such an active role. they benefit from having TWO adults (well actually 4 because they're very close to their grandparents too) that they can rely on to provide comfort and support. Encourage that bond - don't stand in it's way. It's incredible how much your child will benefit from it.

    Answer by ldmrmom at 3:39 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Sounds like you changed her routine, which means you changed Daddy's routine. Possibly he did not appreciate that.

    Answer by Pnukey at 6:38 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Wow. That was rude. I understand that it's extremely hard to not be able to hold your little girl when she's crying, but acting like you're a better parent than he is by snatching the baby out of his arms is just flat-out. RUDE. I have a baby girl also and yesterday she was trying to climb up on the couch and fell and started screaming. Daddy picked her up and got her to calm down and kissed her knee. Of course it was difficult to not take her from him, but he is het parent also and is more than capable. I would be so offended and hurt if someone took my daughter from me like I didn't know what the hell I was doing, and I'm sure you would be too. You need to apologize to that man ASAP.

    Answer by charliebean at 9:06 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Dad's love their kids as much as mom's do. If she really does do this every night then it's time for you to stay home with your baby. Money be damned.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • OP here... Ok I didn't take her because I thought I could do it better. I took her because she was crying.. not just crying but screaming bloody murder for over half an hour. I had to work ALOT this weekend and had barely had anytime with her. Then there she was screaming like that and it was just breaking my heart not to have her. Any other time she cries Dh usually just hands her to me. Their night time routine while I am at work is her screaming for 2 hours until she passes out. There's no reason for it all. She does not scream like that when I put her down.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • then maybe instead of taking her the better option would have been to say, "I know it's hard when she gets like that. What works for me is. . ." and offer some gentle advice. that way he'd have the tools to handle it better the next time you're not home and he is.

    I think the thing here is, most mom's agree it wasn't a clueless Dad but a Mom that didn't stop to respect his feelings in this. . . and that's hard to hear when it's about you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:56 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

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