Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

For those on a second marriage

How long after you remarried did you stop noticing the day of your former anniversary?
This Friday would have been my 27th anniversary, we divorced in Aug of 2005 but I still wonder about what went wrong. He never said a word about being unhappy...just came home one day and said...that's it...and two months later we weren't married anymore.
I was one of those that spent years thinking we were both sort of happy, I mean not everybody is goofy happy together..right? but seems I was the only one even a little bit happy.
I am remarried and finally know what it feels like to be loved & adored. I'd never take my ex back, too much pain has gone under the bridge. DH knows I do this, but like he said, I was married for almost most of my adult life, it doesn't bother him, he knows how much I love him.

I just wondered how many others think about what went on before, or how long did it take you to not do it.

Answer Question

Asked by daisy521 at 6:49 PM on Apr. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (49 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Sorry, ran out of room....DH and I are one of those annoying couples that are goofy happy together! lol

    Answer by daisy521 at 6:49 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I barely remembered mine when we were married! I think it depends on what kind of marriage you had. Mine was horrible from the beginning so I forgot as soon as possible. I think the fact you remember is good it means even though it ended badly most of it was good which means it was time wasted.

    Answer by awelling at 6:54 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I meant it wasn't time wasted

    Answer by awelling at 6:55 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • My husband did the same thing. He just decided he didn't want to be married anymore. I wasn't married as long, 7 years. It was a long time ago now. We would have been married 32 years now. I've been single for 21 years and he has been single for about 8. We get along fine when we see each other because of our kids and grandson.

    I wonder what went wrong but I also can't imagine I was ever married to him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:10 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I have from time to time thought about what might have happened with my ex. I don't think I'd want to be with him anymore though but I still love him and there have been moments I think I regret the divorce. It has more to do with the fact that I didn't think I did anything wrong at the time but now I see what I did wrong and I regret certain things. I am still close to my ex and even closer today (we have kids) and I am very content that. I think if you really loved someone it never completely goes away. It's been 15 years and I still notice when it is our wedding anniversay. He does too. But I love my hubby now so much more!

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:32 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I was married and widowed in my early 20s and I still remember 3 dates: anniversary, his birthday and the date of his death. I know I will always remember those days and I am ok with it and so is my DH.

    I was with my ex after that for 15 years. I was the one who (like your ex) left and was unhappy a long time. We were just not connecting and we were celibate for 10 of those years. When I approached 50, I just couldn't do it anymore and said I wanted to leave. It was extremely sad and I still get tears thinking about how much it hurt our daughter. I would have left LONG ago had it not been for her. Yet knowing what I know now on how hard it was for her, I might have waited til she was an adult.

    I do miss certain things - I don't know why. I don't really miss my ex. Just the life of 3 of us together. It is so hard having Joint custody now. Hard on our daughter having a fractured life. Sad.

    I love my husband now. Wonderful.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 7:59 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Oh hell..sad to admit, but I had stopped thinking about my anniversary long before I was divorced. My 1st marriage was a marriage of convenience. We didn't love each other, didn't even like each other too much. So, I couldn't care less about the day we got married. My son was my only concern.

    Answer by offrdngal at 8:03 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • My husband had a similar experience as you. His marriage wasn't perfect by any means. But it was good enough for him. Little did he know that his ex had fallen in love with someone else. She was not at all happy in their marriage and wasn't getting her needs met so her boyfriend provided what she really wanted.

    My husband says the only thing he fondly thinks about in conjunction with her is their kids. They are in their mid 20s now. But that is the only thing he and his ex connect over. He's told me he knows what it is to be loved now by me. Has never felt this way before. He has a friendly relationship with ex and they talk about the kids once in awhile but not much. I know that he remembers their anniversary - how could he not - they were married for 25 years. But I don't think he misses her. I've asked him and he says no - but that he does enjoy the occasions of reminiscing about the girls since they share that memory.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 8:05 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I remember when my anniversary was, but I don't wake up and think "oh yeah, this is when I married that asshole" lol, what I do remember about my first marriage is the date my divorce was final, it was a good day for me, I was free to live my life and he was free to have as many new girlfriends as he wanted. My first marriage was so broken by the time we finally split that I can't stay attached to the dates that should have been happy, sadly, I feel like I'm lucky in that respect.

    Answer by heratyc at 5:58 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • The worst part is that even when things were all said and done, we both realized that we were still friends. We even talk on the phone about stuff, I mean we still have our two kids and my younger sister still calls him her brother. It was just the married part we didn't do so good on. Maybe part of why I'm so weird-ed out about stuff this year is that I'm starting my period in the next few days and he's off in Afghanistan and even being split up, I still worry about him.

    I know part of me will always love him, even DH knows that. But I guess we were just too different to stay together. What I hate is that I feel cheated out of the life I was suppose to have, and now I'm just too dam old to be able to try for the same dreams. I hate to admit that some days I do sit and cry over "what might have been" even though I'm very aware of how lucky I am for what I do have. It's just hard to let the dreams die.

    Answer by daisy521 at 10:10 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.