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How can I stop being bitter?

This past week, I have had 5 people I know tell me they are pregnant! All of them were unplanned, "oops" babies!
I am really upset by it! I am trying not to be, but I want a baby!
Why is it that their husbands can "forget" to put on a condom or pull out? What can I do to make mine "forget"?
He wants to wait for the "right" time. There is no right time! If we wait, we will be too old!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:50 PM on Apr. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I can see where you would be frustrated. I know you're probably not trying to be annoyed and you WANT to be happy for these other women, but just think of it this way, when you do get pregnant, it will be all about you and your pregnancy. You won't have to share the limelight with any of your friends!
    clhadley

    Answer by clhadley at 6:56 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I would try talking to your husband. And by talking, I mean ask how he feels and why. You need to listen to his side too. Don't interupt, and save your feelings and opinions for after he's finished all he has to say. Ask him to elaborate on what he thinks the "right" time is.
    I'm sorry you feel bitter. It can seem like everybody else is pregnant when you desire a baby. Trust me, it can be worse. For women who've miscarried, the feeling can be a lot stronger.
    brookebella

    Answer by brookebella at 6:56 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • Do you really want an "oops" baby? Don't you think it would be better if you both AGREED that you WANT another baby instead of it being an "accident" and then having your husband possibly be bitter or resentful about it? I understand what you're saying and I know how it feels when you want soooo bad to get pregnant ... but you can't force him into it. I think it would be better for you, him and the child if you waited until you are both ready : )
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:56 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • The World Health Organization recommends waiting at least 3 years from your last birth to ttc. It takes that long for your body to recover and it's best for the baby. If your child is less than 3 you can comfort yourself by knowing you are recovering.


    How old is too old? I am 54 and have an 18 mo grandson. He and his parents lived with me part of his life and I take care of him now at least every other day. If for some reason I had to take care of him all the time I could do it alone. I don't think I'm too old. Women have babies in their 30's and 40's and enjoy it.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 7:00 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • If you're in a happy and loving relationship, you're financially stable to take on the financial burdon of a child, and are emotionally stable. If that is the case for your relationship then outside of that there isn't a right time, like you said. It could be that your SO doesn't really want children, is scared for whatever reason to have a child, or honestly believes there is a right time. Just sit him down and express how you feel. Try to stay calm and really tell him that you want to start having children. You want to be as happy as those other women are. That you don't want to wait any longer. Let him express his feelings. Then if you two still come to a brick wall then ask him straight out. "Honey, is there ever going to be a right time? Do you want children?" Then let him speak. Move on from there.. It might be you two want something different in that apect .. or it could be he just has different plans then you now.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 7:34 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • You are right Anon, I do not want to have an "oops" but I do want a baby!
    Our youngest is 2 1/2, my OB suggested not having another until 2 years after the end of my pregnancy because she said it takes that long to get back to normal.
    So we waited.
    DH wants more kids, but not now. He wants to get things better for us. We are financially stable, but he wants to open another store and get that going before we have another and who knows if he will do it then even!
    I have had a miscarriage before our youngest.
    And I am very happy for my friends, but 4 out of 5 of them aren't even happy! They don't "have it together" and the other wanted to TTC this summer with her DH, but this was an earlier than expected surprise!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

  • I think your husband is just worried (like most men) about being financially able to care for his family. Opening a store is HUGE and probably a burden on him. A lot of talking, a lot of understanding. My husband freaked out when we got pregnant with our second, and after YEARS of fighting to get it out of him, he finally came clean and said he didn't know how he was going to provide for all of us the way he wanted to. Good grief, I could have choked him. As long as they have food in their bellies, a roof over their heads, and clothes on their backs, their fine! And, after taking them into their rooms, I showed him that they obviously have more than they can handle since the rooms are practically destroyed! It's about perspective. Yes, I'd love to pay for nice cars and weddings, college and fancy shoes...but they have more than what they need and know their loved. Can't ask for much more.
    mybratsmom

    Answer by mybratsmom at 8:02 PM on Apr. 6, 2010

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