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how can you tell if he really loves you or playing mind games with you?

how can you tell if someone really loves you but when you been hurt how do you know for sure what they say is true and real? Also another question within a question " how do you make yourself feel good about yourself when you been so down for so many years and feel like your life that you lead may of all been a lie and you where not willing to admit it too yourself" 31 female two kids, and been living my life for my kids and do everything and have forgotten who i am, how does any turn that around, any help and positive advice would be sincerely appreciated.Thank you for taking the time to read and maybe respond from one mother to another that needs a little help...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:31 AM on Apr. 7, 2010 in Health

Answers (8)
  • wow im 25 and in the same boat u are in .....did you man cheat on you??.....mine did more then once yet tells me he only wants me i dont believe him but dont want to leave
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:35 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • I'm a 29 year old single mom of two kids, who's divorced and been cheated on. Going through a break up from a boyfriend right now. I feel the same way. The best I can come up with for your first question is follow your instincts. Do you think he truly loves you? As for your second question, I went back to school last semester, working on my master's. It's amazing what that can do for your self-esteem. If there's any way you can go back to school, I highly recommend it. Hugs.
    popcornlover

    Answer by popcornlover at 2:12 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • im going to school and working i do believe he loves me i just dont understand why he did what he did
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • Go with gut instinct. I've learned to separate me, the Mom and me, the woman and me, the wife. For me, the woman, I find that re-discovering my own interests, exploring my creativity and listening to music soothes my soul. I reward myself with items I wouldn't normally buy for myself (but always secretly admired), especially the little girl in me, i.e. water guns, charm bracelot, expensive perfume, different style clothing, flowers, a Spa treatment, or female only retreats. I remind both my kids and spouse that I can't be of any long lasting use to them unless I have some quality "me" time. They were resistant, in the beginning, but are now very supportive. By taking charge of my life, I've reclaimed the "gavel" I unconsciously gave to them over me.

    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 5:07 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • I've been in a happy marriage for 13 years, but we recently went through a real financial crunch. ...my hubby was out of a job. We have 7 in our family. I went to work but the money wasn't good and was gone alot in the beginning. My hubby and I were almost ready to call it quits. He got depressed, got addicted to facebook on his phone and started 'role playing'. I realyze he needed an outlet, but he was truly addicted, and I still feel aweful sometimes if he is on his phone or internet. It's once bitten, twice shy. My hubby loves me, I know that, but suspious bones are in all our bodies, especially when we've been hurt or upset. What do you consider Love? How do you feel? Is he willing to talk to you about it? Really think about that, and if you like the answer,then stop worrying, if you don't then talk together and see what happens.
    ColDragMomof5

    Answer by ColDragMomof5 at 7:33 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • The thing is, you can never really know how another person feels. So, believing in their love for you is all about trust and faith. You have to just believe that if they are saying it and showing it, then they really feel it. If you truly can't believe that, then it's time to consider that perhaps the guy or the relationship isn't right for you. But if you have very low self esteem, you need to work on that as well. I know I, personally, have my own self esteem issues. Even with those issues, though, I believe that my boyfriend loves me with all of his heart. He tells me and he shows me, and while it's impossible for me to get inside his head and read his mind to know for sure, I believe what he says and his actions.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:44 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • With him, I would say go with your gut, but also watch the things he does & the way he acts... Actions speak MUCH louder than words, IMO.

    As for getting back to yourself, I would suggest taking some time for you every week to find an interest. I went back to college, and have learned a lot about myself through what I have learned & interactions with others. Maybe you could spend a few hours a week away from your DH & your kids to find yourself again... you could go back to school, volunteer somewhere, or even just go somewhere to read or think (or just breathe!). If you feel like you need help and/or guidance, I would really suggest counseling. Just having a safe place to share your thoughts & feelings can do wonders :)

    Good luck! ((HUGS))
    emslala

    Answer by emslala at 7:59 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • Somehow you have to find a balance. First off you need to believe in yourself. Write down several positive statements & read them aloud each day. For example, "I am a beautiful woman, inside & out." or " I deserve to be loved as I love." Take time each day to do something that YOU want to do. Could be something as simple as taking a bath without interruptions. Or closing your eyes and envisioning your happy place. You happy place is somewhere you'd like to be where you can relax and be free.
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 8:41 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

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