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I can't tell my sister this, can I? My friend says tell, I say hell no, let her find out on her own. OMG!!! What do you think?

I just found out that my sister's husband has been having an affair with a stripper from a club he goes to a lot. I also found out that he's had MULTIPLE affairs, basically that he's never been faithful. This SOB confessed to my husband that he's even had sex with girls in convenience store bathrooms on the way home from work. He also confessed that he had a 2-some, IN MY SISTER'S HOUSE while she was in the hospital recovering from spine surgery! (they've been together for 22 years) I have always thought he was a little sleazy just by how he acts, now I know that my intuition was right.
My BFF says tell my sister, she deserves to know - and yeah, I agree she deserves to know. BUT my husband told me this crap in confidence and YOU KNOW what happens to the messenger Even when the message is true! I can't be the one to tell her this. Do you agree or do you think I should suck it up, risk my husband's trust to tell her??


Asked by Anonymous at 9:30 AM on Apr. 7, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I think you should explain to your DH the position this information has put you in, then you both should make a rational decision from there.

    Answer by allfiller08 at 11:08 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • If you don't want to tell her then type a letter to her & mail it to her. That way it is not in your hand writing. She won't know who sent it.

    Answer by itsallabtthem84 at 9:36 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • Your husband should be the one to tell her

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 9:37 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • Okay you know who the affair is with right? You know that he has been going to strip clubs reguraly? I think after 22 years your sis probably has suspected this before, but I would play detective,,usually they go same place same time kind of thing,,, go out with your sister and "run" into the sleaze ball! He must want to get caught or else he wouldn't have told your hubby! I think you have to confront her with PROOF, or else she will believe him over you! So sorry, this is alot for anyone!

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:37 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • i think u shud tell your sis thats soo wronge and if she ever finds out u knew and didnt say anything that cud be the end of yall and u dont wanna lose your sister .. if ur hubbys expects u too keep something like that away frm ur sis thats wrng maybe u shudnt trust him!

    Answer by BellaDiamond at 9:38 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • Damn, that's a tough one. You either risk losing hubby's trust, or sis's trust if she ever finds out you knew and didn't tell her. Is it possible to maybe print out a letter telling her and mail it to her anon? Or even create a new, anon e-mail and e-mail her, then delete the e-mail address so it can never be traced back to you? Of course, then if hubby asked if you knew anything about it, you'd have to either come clean or lie, so that might not be best either. Wow, I really wish I had some solid advice to give you. You say he told you in confidence...did he actually say that to you, or are you assuming? How close are you to your sister? I would think, if you two are really close, that maybe he told you b/c he expects you to tell her. Maybe you should talk to him and find out exactly what he thinks you should do. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:38 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • If it were my sister I would tell her. You don't have to tell her it came from your husband. You could even type a letter out and mail it to her, anonymous. I hope everything works out!

    Answer by Jjoneslagrange at 9:39 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • PS she needs to know no matter how she finds out,, he coud have AIDS or something else, and she needs to be aware of the risks he is putting her through!

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:39 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • Do you have any way to prove what you would be telling her or is it all heresay? If it is hearsay you could sit your sister down and tell her you heard a rumor about her husband and you are having a hard time wrapping your mind around it but you will help her investigate. Let her talk, ask her if sh has ever suspected anything and if she wants to look for clues with you. She will be devastated but she does deserve to know.

    Answer by ria7 at 9:39 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • Have your husband tell you brother in law this "If you don't tell her about your cheating, i will" Although, if your husband also has something to hide...he will never say anything. Usually when men get into these confessing conversations, they are both guilty. Most men would not tell that to someone unless they had some information that they could use against them for protection.

    Do you REALLY want your sister to be married to this guy? Can you sit back & relax knowing how much of a jerk he is to her? If it was my sister, whether or not it was me who told her....i would somehow have her enlightened about her situation. Whether it comes from you, your husband or her husband. She needs to know.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:45 AM on Apr. 7, 2010