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When you can't stand your friend's kid?

My friend and I both work together and hang out quite a bit durning the week after work as well. We hve a lot in common, share the same values and are both in our late 20's with one child, so we get along great.
He is a single dad and has custody full time. The problem is I can't tolerate his son very well. He is 8 years old and has a horrile attitude, swears, throws tantrums and doesn't respect anyone it seems. I hate to say I can't stand the kid, but I don't know how else to put it He doesn't discipline really at all because he ays he feels guilty for being gone to work all day.
Other than not hanging out with my friend (which I don't want to have as an option) what can I do? I don't know if I should give him advice or what to do.
Any ideas or thoughts please ?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:57 AM on Apr. 7, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (19)
  • At the end of the day...he's going to feel guilty about something, as parents we always feel guilty about not being "PERFECT" I could have done this better or should have done that instead.....you really need to be a good friend and let him know that he's always going to feel guilty about something so....it's really not a good excuse to not instill manners and respect in his child. He want's to feel proud of being a single dad that raised such an awesome son...not some little menace.
    geminisummerz

    Answer by geminisummerz at 11:08 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • maybe if you wanted to really get in side his head and prolly date him? if you guys are just friends and thats all it will be then you can say what your going to say but say it gently. I woudl think thought a gf would have more weight in what happened.
    MoMoFu

    Answer by MoMoFu at 11:11 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • Hey! Thats a hard situation to be in and I feel for you. I'm sure it is HARD to be a single parent. But his first obligation as a parent (my personal opinion) is to raise a happy,healthy, productive adult. I LOVE my children but i'm not here to be their friend . If he never/rarely disciplines his son he is setting his son up for failure. If yougo to work and don't do a good job eventually you will be fired, you don't follow traffic laws you'll be in a accident.......in the real world their are consequences for bad/wrong behavior.Thats part of our job as parents to teach our children. Ok so he says he feels guilty b/c he has to work......come on really????? he is a single dad therefor he has to work to care for his son as well as himself......thats just common sense. My husband was deployed 2X so I understand when you are the only parent its hard but he needs to understand the bigger pic in the long run...he's raising a brat.
    sjlawrence356

    Answer by sjlawrence356 at 11:13 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • You said you cant stand the kid?? LOL Totally normal, well, I think so anyway. SOME kids will just get on your nerves. Over the years I have learned to relax when around bad apples but when I see a child that is rude to their parents and is so disrespectful to people, oh no mam, that gets under my skin too. If his attitude is affecting your child then you should consider stopping all playdates. (I have before)

    Swears? Discipiline means you are paying attention to your child enough to set things right. But anyway, you can always talk to the child if you feel comfortable especially if he is in your house and simply say "Im waiting for your manners." Eye contact. One time, I even told my daughter that she talks to the teacher nice, so she needs to talk to me nice too. GL. Try to stay calm, he is still a kid.
    3gigglemonsters

    Answer by 3gigglemonsters at 11:17 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • I think as women we can talk to men easier,yes? So I don't think (if he's a decent guy) that it would be rude of you to talk to him about it.For the childs benifit of course..lol..To keep it clean & understand he may need help with seeing things through.It will help the childs future relationships with others as well, I think it can be a win/win just as long as your ready to help him through it, I would help my friend through it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • so if I were you I would try to encourage him to see the bigger picture and put his foot down. You don't want that attitude rubbing off on your kid either. My sister also feels like she doesn't spend enough time with her son b/c she has to work as well .....I told her its more about the quality of the time you spend with them than the quanity! I would also encourage you to encourage your friend to make sure he is spending quality time with his son (ie ....not eating,homework etc....) his son could be acting this way for attention. My heart goes out to every single parent out there ...... I know its hard. I wish you & your friend the best!
    sjlawrence356

    Answer by sjlawrence356 at 11:21 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • how can you say you have the same values when he doesn't even discipline his kid to the point he's rotten? This is not the kids fault it's the parents.

    EarthMama05

    Answer by EarthMama05 at 11:26 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • I'm in a similar situation but it's my girlfriend's neighbor's kid that is the problem. My gf just moved and became VERY friendly with her new neighbors. Then the neighbor's daughter moved back home (she's 25) with her daughter who is 4. Talk about a fresh kid? Huh you have to see this little girl. Gives dirty looks, says that's mine to everything, just flat out rude and has no structure at all. Up till crazy hours at night etc. Shouldn't affect me huh but she is always at my friend's house. I honestly have been limiting my time going there bc my firend is the type who won't tell them to leave.I guess you can mention it to your friend in a nice way but the reality is, it's his business how he raises his son. You have to decide if you want your child around him or not.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • People should feel more guilty about not giving their kids discipline because in the end the kid is the one who gets hurt by that. Kids need boundaries, discipline and guidelines otherwise they get confused and don't know what is expected of them. And then they are rejected by other people because they aren't enjoyable to be around. Maybe you could try and make your friend see that he's hurting his son more by not giving him discipline than he is by going to work everyday.

    Also, set guidelines for your house. When his kid is at your house there will be no swearing, no talking back to you, no bad attitude towards you and your kids and in your house he will show respect to you and your kids. If he swears you simply say "We don't speak like that in my house". If he's rude to you, call him on it. If he's screaming and throwing a tantrum tell him "we use words in our house, not yelling".
    EmilyandIsaac

    Answer by EmilyandIsaac at 11:32 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • Cont.

    We have a neighbour kid with no sense of boundaries. He likes to come over and play with my kids outside and my husband and I are very careful to make sure we set clear boundaries for when he's at our house. For example, he wants to bike in our driveway without a helmet. Well he's 6 and here it's the law to wear bike helmets. So, the rule will be no driving your bike in our driveway unless you have a helmet.
    EmilyandIsaac

    Answer by EmilyandIsaac at 11:33 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

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