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would you ever hit your spouse to protect yourself??

my fiancee grabbed me by the arms in an argument and was trying to force me into a wrestling match with him. he was trying to overpower me (it left his thumb print inmy arm) so i punched him in the face to get him off me......was i that wrong, i know violence isnt a solution but i was trying to break free and he was hurting me! i got bashed before for this and i dont understand why

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:07 AM on Apr. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • if you are the same girl who just put a post up - the one i just got done responding to you got bashed because you weren't clear on the information you gave.

    i personally would have gotten far from the situation before it had gotten to that point. I have hit someone because they were scaring me and hurting me. I cannot dock you for protecting yourself.

    Answer by MoMoFu at 11:09 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • I would hit anyone in self defense. The situation you describe, yes, I would hit. However, I do have to agree with MoMoFu, in that I wouldn't have let the situation get to that point. Unless you've left some details out in this post, I can't see why someone would bash you. My boyfriend has never laid a hand on me that way, nor would he, but he also knows that if he did, I'd do my best to lay his butt out on the floor for it. Same goes if they touch my kids.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:14 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • He was hurting you and you could not get away from him you have a god give right to protect yourself.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:16 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • OP HERE - yea i think i may have just tried to shorten it too much lol! it made me sound as if i was the aggressor but that wasnt the case he was in a rage!! he and i have been talking about it trying to see if we want to work it out, i know he does i just dont know if he is fully ready and mature enough...but then again, when IS a man mature enough to handle being in a real relationship lol. he says he wants to do whatever it takes....but what would that be? im not afraid of him, i know he would never intentionally try to hurt me (thats why i didnt feel why he hit me he "says" he was angry and wanted to swing his towel in my face only i felt more hand than towel) his bark really his bigger than his bite i was afraid of how he was screaming and carrying on, i could get away we were in a car and when he parked at a friends house i took the keys and tried to get him out! thats why he grabbed me and i punched him!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • She can't control HIS side of the argument, so how can she stop it from getting that far? I doubt she asked him to scare/hurt her. You always have the right to protect yourself and your family from any harm.

    Answer by teardrop_7060 at 11:26 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • teardrop, she could always walk away. No one is blaming her, my point (and I suppose I could have explained myself so it would make more sense) was that if he grabbed her, I would think he would have been showing some intense anger before doing that, and if I saw that my boyfriend was getting incredibly angry with me, I'd walk away from him. I can't speak for anyone else, but that was what I was trying to say about not letting it get that far. Again, I don't think she's wrong for what she did, and I wasn't there, so I don't know how he was acting to say anything about that. I only know what she says, and she wasn't wrong.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:31 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • OP HERE - he knows he needs to seek counseling, he is now trying to set aside money to afford a few sessions. i am not really worried ab the violence as much bc i do know that if i had not reacted the way i did it would have gone differently (if i would have started crying or something he would have immediately calmed down and felt bad) but i was frankly tired of his bs bc he has been trying to have to social life of a single man! he is gone at LEAST twice a week and to me thats a lot! i dont tell him where to go when he goes or what time to come home, i think im reasonable but his immature side told him that since he pays the bills he shouldnt have to have a set amount of time away and i dont think thats fair. he goes out 2 nights with friends and also works 1 night. when he is home he is too exhausted to do ANYTHING with me including sex, and i am FULLY responsible for the kids. only break i get is work 2-3 nights a week!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • I think he was trying to possibly cheer you up and or lighten up and clown around....That alone don't sound like abuse per say.

    Yes you do have a right to defend yourself..You said you knew he was trying to get you to wrestle...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • I definitely tend to swing a fist if I'm feeling physically threatened. If saying "LET ME GO NOW" did not work, then i might bite him, or do something to get him off of me. I have punched my ex husband in the face, when he hocked a lugee (snotty spit) right in my face & once when he hit me first. Luckily, my DH now is my best friend & extremely passive. We almost never fight & when we do, it never escalates to a point where someone feels the need to get aggressive. My ex husband WAS VERY aggressive, & i did feel like i had to protect myself at times. Glad he is out of the picture.

    Thank the lord every day that he gave me a REAL loving man who would never ever disrespect a woman.


    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:28 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • In self defense yes, I would definitely hit someone to get them off me. However, I would immediately leave that relationship. I will not ever tolerate any kind of abuse ever again in my life.

    Answer by TarLion at 1:09 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

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