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Is guilt keeping me there?

I am one of those people who hates to be the cause of hurt for others and right now my mind is in so many different directions. My marriage has been unhappy for quite some time and I am seeing things so much clearer in regards to my marriage. I do not think my husband treats me the greatest. Granted he does not beat me, but I could say he is verbally combative at times which could be considered verbal abuse, but I banter back so I guess I am just a culpable. I have been with this man on and off since 1994. We have been married for over 8 yrs, we have kids together and there is a lot of history and a big piece of my lifed tied to him. But when I honestly assess my feelings I know my heart is no longer there. I feel like I have settled. I feel like I have been and still am putting everyone else above my feelings and dreams. Priority #1 is my children and that will NOT change. Am I staying out of guilt?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Apr. 7, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • As I read what you wrote it sounds like you are staying because it is easier than change. Then at the end you come up with guilt. Where is that coming from?


    Have you really made priorities or have you just been living day to day? If your first priority was your children then you wouldn't want them to live in a home with an unhappy marriage. Your husband verbally abuses you. It's been going on for a long time.


    Women like to say their kids come first because it sounds good. You know what you need to do if you really want to make your kids your priority. You need to take care of yourself. You need to get rid of your husband.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 2:47 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • i think the guilt comes from knowing my decision could affect everyone else. And my kids are my first priority.....but if I am not happy, truly happy, I am not really do them any favors either, am I?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • start planning towards a seperation and / or divorce. Sounds like in your situation it might be the best thing, if you reallly think there's nothing left. Getting a seperation will probably bring you into the reality of what it would be like without him and make your decision easier.
    AlleyK

    Answer by AlleyK at 3:47 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • if u want to take good care of your children take good care of yourself. u cant b doing that if u stay in a marriage where they hear verbal abuse. u may banter but that not the same as verbal abuse. usually verbal abuse leads to other more dangerous abuse. i was reluctant to leave my husband when he was verbally abusive because i didnt want to b without a spouse and have the total responsibility of the children. when i finally realized that what i was living thru was no good for me or the kids i did get divorced. it was quite a relief and later i met a man who has been the love of my life. we have bn married for 25 years now and that other peson who was in that first marriage is gone now. when i think of that time it as if someone else was living my life. it doesnt seem real .all i can say is u have the possibility of being very happy/ take the plunge & u may find that u r much better off-whether u stay single or remarry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • God, you sound like me. I wrestled every day for nearly 2 years with this in my head for the same reason. I hated to be the one causing others to hurt, etc. However, my husband was hurting my son verbally so I saw how it affected him emotionally :( and how his behaviors were changing and how I felt like I was no longer myself around my husband. I would walk on egg shells to avoid a confrontation, etc. I decided to make that step and make my son and I happier and push through. I filed for divorce and my support system all told me how proud they were of me. That floored me, but I am happy with my decision. And my STBX realized how overbearing he was and he's better with our son now, and he's being helpful and friendly throughout the process thus far.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 11:36 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

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