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Am I over reacting or is my fiance hiding something?

My fiance and I have been together for two years; during these two years I haven't really made any new friends. I hang out with the same people I've known since middle school which I don't mind because they're the ones who know me and love me. My group of friends are made up of both men and women; one of the guys I dated briefly in highschool but nothing has happened since (it's been 10 years). My fiance has never had a problem with my friends, however recently a woman who I can not stand always seems to be around. She has a thing for him, she told me herself. When I get upset about her being around, not hanging out with us per se but just being at the same place (all the time) he gets irritated and tells me I shouldn't be jealous when I have guy friends and he has to just "deal with it". I just don't think he needs to be so friendly when he knows it bugs me and that she wants him.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:17 PM on Apr. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • well obviously she is a very disrespectful person if she told you she has a thing for YOUR fiance......

    it also seems like your fiance probably doesnt like you hanging out with this guy jsut like you dont like him being around her... so you pretty much only have 2 options....1 would be to cut ties with your male friend and him with her...or 2. just grind your teeeth and bare it, if he does end up doing anything with her, hoepfully it happens before you get married ( even though it will still hurt) ....

    Answer by glamomomo at 10:20 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • He might enjoy the fact that she wants him and makes you jealous. Why else would he act that way? Men can be TOTAL drama queens in situations like this one and stir shit up to inflate their already massive egos.

    Hopefully she'll get tired of this stupidity and go try to steal someone else's partner.

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 10:26 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • It sound like you have a trust issue and if thats the case then you need to move on and just be friends with him

    Answer by paurad at 10:28 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • Perhaps your fiance is jealous of your male friends but won't say anything because he knows it won't make a differance. As far as the female I don't know what to tell you because she already told you she wants your man. You may have to compromise a little. Cut the time with your male friends to show him you care and perhaps he will see how you feel about this woman.

    Answer by my2kids312 at 10:28 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • My first thought was what some of the other women said.... It sounds like your fiance is using this as a way to tell you that he really is bothered by you having guy friends (a.k.a. "I have to 'deal with feeling irritated, so you have to 'deal with it', too"). I would approach that before getting suspicious. It would be just like a guy to have no interest in her, but to use the situation to communicate something he hasn't found any other way to communicate. The question is, are you willing to give up your guy friends for your fiance? If yes, DO IT. If NO, then you probably need to seriously reevaluation if you should even be with him. At this point, I wouldn't be suspicious of him. Find out first if this is actually about you.

    Answer by Adelicious at 10:33 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • I've never had an unplanned pregnancy. I'm not beig rude! It's true. I was always super responsible.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • oops! wrong question! sorry!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • I suppose it could seem suspicious, but I would tend to agree more with the other ladies, that it sounds to me like he's bothered by your male friends, and is using this as an opportunity to communicate that to you. Maybe not the best way to go about it, but apparently effective. However, instead of just cutting of the male friends, or being suspicious of him, I would sit down with him and try to open some communication here. I'd start with, "You said that I shouldn't be jealous b/c I have guy friends and you deal with it. I've always thought that you were ok with my male friends. Have I been wrong?" This way, if it bothers him, he might open up and tell you, at which point, you two can discuss and try to figure out some compromises so that everyone is comfortable and happy, hopefully.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:56 PM on Apr. 7, 2010

  • I had lots a male friends but once I met my husband, it was all about him. I mean I didn't just drop my guy friends but I have backed off from hanging out unless we are all together (my husband included) and the same for him. We don't have a "deal with it" policy and thats is honestly what makes our marriage so successful. We put eachother's feelings before friends and family. If something makes him uncomfortable, I fix it and the same on his end. Not jealous just not very appropriate to have other men (or women) so involved such as lunch dates, random hanging out, talking on phone for long periods of times, daily know.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

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