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18 yr old has gotten snotty when talking to me lately

she is spending almost all her time with her boyfriend.she doesn't feel well a lot of the time.if he is not sleeping here, she is there.she is going to community college, he is not.i think he is making sure she is not alone much .he asked her to marry him, she said yes and then backed out because she wants to be sure he is the one.(only second boyfriend)She is single on facebook(was engaged).he has slept with one of her friends that she knows of.I can't talk to her without him around. I think she should make a clean break because I feel he is afraid she will leave.She says she is only happy when with him.Her dr.has given her antidepessiant meds.I can't say anything to her without a fight.I really want to tell her what I really think is going on and see what she says,but she freaks out. do you think I should enlist her best friend to talk with her too?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:15 AM on Apr. 8, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (7)
  • Wow, so sorry mama. I'm only the mom of a 6-month-old, so don't have much wisdom for you. Only this, and only you know if your daughter is at this stage: at some point kids start making their own choices, and parental input is not only unwelcome, but may drive them in the opposite direction. At that point, the best thing you can do for your child is be there when it hurts, support her, be her friend and hopefully she'll trust you enough to start listening. Good luck!

    Answer by Adelicious at 1:05 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • You know that old saying that no one learns from others mistakes but they do from their own? At 18 she is an adult and should be able to make her own decisions, if you don't agree, she will probbably tell you it is not your life to live. As a parent of three grown adults I can tell you that they will end up doing what they think it is right even if it turns to be wrong, and all you can do as a parent is stick around to pick up the pieces when it does. Having her best friend talk to her might help, but let go and let her make her decision.

    Answer by older at 9:12 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • It's her life. Let her make her own mistakes. It's the only way she'll learn if she's not willing to listen.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:28 AM on Apr. 8, 2010

  • She is an adult! and talking to her friends will only make matters worse, trust her decision's she has already made one "not to marrie him for her own reason's" as mothers we have to be a parent at all times and friends some of the times just let her know there is a line where respect comes in. lol i know its not funny but we all was that agae once in our life and we was head strong no one not even our parents could tell us nothing at one point an time. weather he is wrong for her or right just be there when she needs you.

    Answer by channellove at 6:39 AM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • I have 5 kids and the youngest one is 21 and still lives at home which is just fine with me. He also went through the same thing. The more I tried to talked to him, the more he rebellous he came. I finally had to let it go and allow him to make mistakes and learn from them. As parents we naturally don't want our kids to make mistakes so we hold on to that string. There were many times I cried myself to sleep worrying about him at that age but then thank God he pulled through it. I just finally allow God to be in control of his life and not me. As parents we are on the inside so much we don't see how God sees it. And now he's such a great son and so respectful and loving. We are close now but it was hard getting there.

    Answer by Coffeebandit at 6:57 PM on Apr. 9, 2010

  • I would tell her or both of them if you can't get her away from him how you feel. Then I would also tell her that you will support her in anyway you can even if she does something you don't agree with. That way she knows if it falls apart, you will be there. Then (and this is the hardest part) shut your mouth and let it play out.

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 11:43 PM on Apr. 11, 2010

  • how many times are u going to post this? let the girl do what she wants. she's 18. u need to tend to your own life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 PM on Apr. 14, 2010

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